Today's Day Brightener

[Teri]

I have to disagree with answer to number 14. All my blouses have the buttons on the left side and the buttonhole on the right. When the buttons are buttoned then the right side goes over the left, and you see the buttons popping thru the buttonholes on the right side (but technically the buttons are sewn on the left side)!!!

[Heath]

Teri Teri Teri,

How many times do we have to tell you to stop wearing your cloths insideout???

[leenjen]

Originally posted by Gimp
At least I didn't CHEAT and look at the phone. Just for the record though, I have 8 phones (of various types) and one FAX machine in the house and the only one that has a "Q" or a "Z" is the FAX (and I'm sure that's just there for the programming).

actually new phones do have Q & Z on them. i have three phones (no fax) and all have those letters. two phones are cordless and one is a regular phone with a cord.

[ex voto]

A man sat at a bar for hours, proceeding to get rip-roaring drunk. After a while, he finally stumbles to the bathroom. Moments later, a blood-curdling shriek is heard. Everyone in the bar tenses up, looking at the bathroom. After a few seconds, everyone resumes their activities. Minutes later, another scream is heard, and the patrons are becoming unnerved. The bartender, seeking to end this, heads to the bathroom to see what is happening. He goes into the bathroom and says, "Hey! What's going on in here?!?"
A slur from one of the stalls says,"I came in here to use the baffroom, and when I go ta flush the toy-let, somethin' reaches up and sqwezes mah balls." The bartender goes into the stall, takes a look, and yells at him. "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

[leenjen]

Originally posted by ex voto
"You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

LOL. that was funny

['96explorereddiebauer]

SIGNS YOU'VE BOUGHT A LEMON OF A CAR

10. Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage
Bags.

9. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.

8. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.

7. The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better
Than This Piece of Junk."

6. The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as
the everyday abacus.

5. Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you're
taking.

4. The sticker on the windshield says, "Batteries Not
Included."

3. You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.

2. You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.

1. When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs
down.

[jimbo74]

Originally posted by leenjen



actually new phones do have Q & Z on them. i have three phones (no fax) and all have those letters. two phones are cordless and one is a regular phone with a cord.

going back in time, yup my cell phone ane work phone have q & z

[JDraper]

Quickies (Some have gotta be from a female point of view )

(Q) What's the best form of birth control after 50?

(A) Nudity.
__________________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

(A) 45 lbs.
___________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

(A) 45 minutes.
_____________________________

(Q) How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

(A) None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
_____________________________________

(Q) What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

(A) Through his chest with a sharp knife.
______________________________________

(Q) Why are men and parking spaces alike?

(A) Because all the good ones are taken
and the only ones left are disabled.
_________________________________________

(Q) Why do men want to marry virgins?

(A) They can't stand criticism.
______________________________________

(Q) Why is it so hard for women to find men that are
sensitive, caring, and good looking?

(A) Because those men already have boyfriends.
__________________________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a new husband
and a new dog?

(A) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
___________________________________________________

(Q) What makes men chase women they have
no intention of marrying?

(A) The same urge that makes dogs chase cars
they have no intention of driving.
___________________________________________________

(Q) What do you call a smart blonde male?

(A) A golden retriever.
_______________________________________________

Q) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

(A) Ask your Mom.
__________________________________________

(Q) What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?

(A) Say, "Nice Dick."
_________________________

(Q) Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

(A) Because they have cotton balls.
_______________________________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

(A) A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
_________________________________________________

(Q) What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

(A) Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
_________________________________________________

(Q) Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

(A) Mace will do that to you.
_____________________________________________

(Q) Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

(A) Everyone has the same DNA.
____________________________________

(Q) What would you call it when an Italian has
one arm shorter than the other?

(A) A speech impediment.
__________________________________

(Q) Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

(A) Breasts don't have eyes.
__________________________________

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
_______________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a Southern zoo,
and a Northern zoo?

(A) A Southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
____________________________

(Q) What's the Cuban National Anthem?

(A) Row row row your boat.
_______________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a Northern fairytale
and a Southern fairytale?

(A) A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s@#t."

[jimbo74]

jeff, i am sitting @ my desk LOL

[leenjen]

thats funny, im sending it to my wifes parents

[coloradobound]

Our brainl..... I mean fearless leader.

[coloradobound]

With a wonderful grasp of the English language.

[BislamJoe]

A Texan was taking a plane trip. Being the friendly sort of fellow that most every Texan is, he tries to strike up a conversation with the couple sitting next to him.

"So where y'all from?" he asks.

"A place where we don't end our sentences with prepositions," replies the snotty Northerner.
(We can't call them Yankees anymore, you understand. The politically correct term is "Yanko-American")

The Texan is taken aback by the rudeness of this man, but quickly has a reply.

"Ok, so where y'all from, ass?"

[Frisckey1]

I got this link in e-mail this morning...too cute.

Signs

[BExplorer]

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.
One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?",and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the
student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

[GJarrett]

This is pretty amusing.

From our faithful Border Patrol comes this picture of a resourceful Mexican who got caught trying cross the Border without having to get his back wet.

[JDraper]

Gives a new meaning to "Lazy Boy" huh?? :p

[coloradobound]

A REDNECK GETS SHOT

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba begain, "We wuz havin' a good time drinkin, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellas wanna go huntin?'"

"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

:p

[KEbert]

Originally posted by Frisckey1
I got this link in e-mail this morning...too cute.

Signs

I cant get the link to work.

[FMNavajo]

I found some good reasons to wheel in Sept. 4Wheel Off Road magazine.

Philosophical:
Hard Work pays off in the future, wheeling pays off now.
I never met a trail I didn't like.
A muddy truck is a good truck.
You have to go wheeling today because today's <fill in day of choice> and you always go wheeling on <fill in day of choice>.
A part broken is money well spent.
Betcha a beer you can't make it.

Traffic:
The roads are too crowded, make your own.
Tailgaters tend to shy away from vehicles covered in Terra Firma.
When the town is covered in 2 feet of snow, you can be the only one on the road.

Reverting to childhood:
Engine sounds made with your mouth while driving a toy truck across your desk is really starting to piss of your co-workers.
Where else can you eat header-heated Beenie Weenies while watching your friends trash their prized possessions?
Set a world record for most marshmellows roasted on an engine fire.

Significant other:
Imagine that rock you just went over was your mother in law.
You need to show your wife/husband that the vacation money was put to good use.
To see if the new girlfriend makes the grade, if she likes it, keep her.
Your wife will like it because it's a family outing, you'll like it because she's out of the vehicle at the first obstacle, and then it's just you and the truck anyway.

Skipping work:
Now this is an office with a view.
So, I can stay here an work OR go wheeling? See ya!

Breaking the law:
Driving over newly landscaped parking lot barriers isn't the same as the real thing.
The cop will be off your tail by the first or second mud hole.
The best parking at the mall is usually on top of the landscaping.
That construction site won't be there forever.

Redneck:
You'll see more UFO's.
You just finished mowing the lawn and found another truck!
The only way to get to most of the good parties is to drive through a field.
The trail is actuall your girlfriends driveway.
Your dog can brush up on staying-out-from-under-the-swampers skills.

Common sense:
To get home.
If it weren't for trucks, who would pull all those little cars out of the snow banks in winter?
Mud is cheaper than body filler and doesn't require sanding or painting.
You get sick even thinking about a 4x4 show truck
Why have 4WD if you don't use it?
It beats walking up those rocks.
Pavement sucks!

Boss:
Because wouldn't your bosses BMW work great as an articulation ramp?

Short:
Why not?

FM