oil change instructions for men and women

[SuRrEaLNJ]

Oil Change instructions for Women :

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $25.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $26.00


Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.


3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.


7) Place drain pan under engine.


8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and
twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any
missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00

Total -- $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

[Lt.Jim]

Nice

[IZwack]

Oh good thing I'm a woman and follow the womanly route

[Paraphoe]

Hahaha, that's hilarious. I just did mine a few days ago, skipped the beer though.

[rocket 5979]

Originally Posted by IZwack

Oh good thing I'm a woman and follow the womanly route

You're a woman??? Hmm, I always thought you were a guy. Oh well gotta love the net for its anonymity.

[KPT]

Not to crap on the thread but I remember reading this in the mid 90's.

Version has changed slightly though. In the old one the wrench hit a playboy centerfold in the boob and dude lost the drain plug in the hole in the backyard he dumped the oil into.

[rocket 5979]

Originally Posted by JL 3x12 Xplorer

Not to crap on the thread but I remember reading this in the mid 90's.

Version has changed slightly though. In the old one the wrench hit a playboy centerfold in the boob and dude lost the drain plug in the hole in the backyard he dumped the oil into.

Some funny things just remain timeless.

[E.B. Cornburner]

"98% of the Jiffy Lubes make the rest look bad."

-found on www.bobistheoilguy.com I thought it was quite funny.