Where is the Starter Relay

I recently bought a remote switch from Actron to crank the engine. The instructions says to locate the starter relay to connect the remote switch. So I open up my Haynes book (I own 99 Mountaineer) and there is a picture that shows the starter relay mounted on the fenderwall between the battery and power dist box. Well I open up the hood and the starter relay isn't there. I know inside the power dist box has a starter relay but not the one i'm looking for with three wire connections to it. So where can it be located? Or do I use the starter solenoid and connect the remote starter lead to the POS side and the other lead to the "S". Atcon also explains to remove the "S" wire connection prior to putting on the lead and disconnect the power to the ignition coils for safety reasons. But these instructions are only for the starter relay not the solenoid. Your help will be appreciated, thanks.

the starter solenoid is on the fenderwell in 1st Gen explorers. in the 2nd Gen its on the starter.
the starter relay is in the power distribution box. that triggers power to the solenoid I believe.

this is the thread I made when my truck wouldn't start, it might help:
http://www.explorerforum.com/forums//showthread.php?t=241545