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am I insane cause Christmas time depresses me?

Discussion in 'Exploring everything under the sun!!' started by mechanic021, December 5, 2004.

^^Searches ExplorerForum.com^^
  1. mechanic021

    mechanic021 Active Member

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    I am 22 years old and to put it short and simple. The past 5 years of my life have been a roller coaster to say the least. It all started with a failed relationship I messed up horribly ,and the death of my mother when I was 18. But ever since I have moved back home from living out of state I have become severly depressed during christmas time. Almost to the point at times im ready to give up. I try my hardest to keep this inside but it spills over into my job and my family and I cant have that cause I burden everybody then. I have been to numerous doctors about this even got locked up for 2 weeks in the state hospital cause i said the wrong thing to the wrong person. But I just feel so helpless. Does this happen to anyone else or am I truey alone and nuts on this? sorry to sound like a whiner but i have no other place to turn.

    Mike
     
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  3. spindlecone

    spindlecone B

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    Dude, you need to be with people during the holiday season,volenteer at a homeless shelter, you may find you are far better off than some, you gotta keep busy, you need to be around alot of people during the season.
    Know how you feel, been there done that, best of luck
     
  4. MONMIX

    MONMIX I fix dents Staff Member Moderator Elite Explorer

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    No man,
    by far you are not alone.

    It is a tough time of year for many people.
    Truth is the best way to get through it is to just go through it.

    Keep an eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.
    You'll get through it soon enough.
    Surround your self with family and friends who care about you and try not to focous on what you don't have and focous on what you do have.

    Best of luck man, I am quite confidant you can endure.
     
  5. mechanic021

    mechanic021 Active Member

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    I try to help out as much as I can with people. I keep busy cause I work all the time. Just feels like a hole in side of me that just opens up and hurts like hell. Just nothing feels the same for me anymore during this time of year. I dont care about gifts or anything for christmas or things I just want some peice of mind and for once to feel some happiness in my life again.
     
  6. IAmTodd

    IAmTodd 4x Explorer Veteran

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    Feel happy that you're surrounded by people that love you. And that you have a job, and a home to come home to. The holiday's are hard on a lot of people. Just think positive. Good luck, you do just fine! :thumbsup:
     
  7. MONMIX

    MONMIX I fix dents Staff Member Moderator Elite Explorer

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    It is fine to feel that way.
    Don't feel guilty about it.
    It is soupose to be that way.
    It is a part of loving.
    You can't love a person with out the risk of hurt.
    It gets better man.

    I have never lost a parent but I had an engagement go horribly wrong.
    It hurt like hell for years, still does from time to time five years later.
    But it gets better life goes on.

    It sucks now man, and it is soupose to. It will get better I personally can assure you of that.
     
  8. mechanic021

    mechanic021 Active Member

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    man monmix you kinda hit the nail on the head with your engagment gone bad that pretty much exactly what causes all this for me. I moved 300 miles for a girl lived with her for 3 years then it turned out horrible in the end and it has scarred me ever since and it troubles me daily still.
     
  9. ExplorerSportNu

    ExplorerSportNu Well-Known Member

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    Yeah you gotta keep your head up, this may be hard to accept now but later on you may discover this to be a blessing in disguise, you two weren't meant to be or you would still be together, your young too, my age we have the rest of our lifes to worry about this kinda stuff, I lost a girl a while back that I really liked but was glad that I found out sooner than later that it wasn't going to work out. It does tend to get kinda lonely around the holidays when everyone brings there sweeties around and your single but gota look at the good that comes with being single!
     
  10. celly

    celly disturber of the peace

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    I don't think it's abnormal to feel that way. I often get down around the holidays. Lots going on and it can be pretty overwhelming with all the spending etc. I used to find New Years a bit depressing because it's that time of the year where you reflect on what you accomplished, and what you didn't accomplish over the past year.

    Luckily, my wife is into Xmas big time, so she kind of balances it off for me. We also had a baby (first born) in October, so although he's pretty young it will be fun watching him see Christmas for the first time. He loves to check out lights, and of course Christmas is a good time for that.

    In any event, if you get that down and you can't shake it, don't ever be afraid to seek professional help. Much better than the alternative. Life is good. We all have our down moments.

    Hang in there, and Merry Christmas.
     
  11. RedEB

    RedEB Active Member

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    Many people suffer from depression during the holiday season, you are definitely not alone in this. As everyone said above, try to spend some time with your family and keep your days very active by keeping busy. I have known a couple of people who have lost their parents near Christmas and they often reflect back on their cherished moments duing the holiday season. It can be so intensely difficult, but at the same time, try to remember who you are and also remember all of those in your family that ARE with you during this time. It has only been 4 years since the tragedy, don't be too hard on yourself! Just remember: You have endured more than most have or ever will. Hold your head up high and remember than everyone on this forum is behind you 110%.
    Take a load off, maybe take some time off from work to spend with your family.
    God bless and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!!
    Greg
     
  12. unclemeat

    unclemeat Well-Known Member

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    Christmas is the most stresful time of the year. Fortunately it is followed by a much less stressful holiday, New Years Day. The light at the end of the tunnel is new years day. Look beyond Christmas, to a new beginning.
     
  13. glfredrick

    glfredrick Well-Known Member

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    I used to suffer a lot of depression around Christmas time.

    It mainly stemmed from looking inwardly at my own circumstances instead of outwardly at the possibilities. In a sense, I was making my own reality and it sucked...

    The worst year for me was when I was broke - all the water pipes froze up on our home - and I had to work on Christmas Eve. I got off work - already feeling like crap because I was such a looser (couldn't even buy my wife and kids presents - and it had been that way for a couple of years in a row) - so what did I do? I blew my entire paycheck getting wasted - and by the time I made it home for "Christmas" I was puking all over the place... That really helped everythng.

    Since then, I have learned a few things about life - and one of them is that someone - somewhere has it worse (much worse) than you or I do... They wish they had a life to be depressed about... They wish they were out of the hospital - or that they didn't have cancer - or that they had two legs to walk on - or some other really life-challenging issues.

    I also learned that I was partly responsible for my circumstances - and it was bascially up to me to take chage and make some changes.

    One of the frst changes I made was to stop drinking... It took me a while to work through that one - but I'm SO glad now that I stopped.

    The second change was to make sure that I didn't disapoint my family again the way I did. They didn't care if dad and husband came home with Santa's bag full of toys - they wanted DAD to be home and to love them. All the rest of the stuff was just stuff.

    The third change I made was to stop letting the extended family dictate to me what was right or wrong. My parents have a very disfunctional life - and they have managed to drag 3 of theri 4 sons into the same disfunction. I had to almost disown my parents to make the break from them - and I'm very gald I did. Now, we can actually get along as adults.

    The fourth change that was made for me (I sure wasn't looking for this one!) was that I discovered that God was real... God came looking for me - and took this drunk -porn abusing - nasty mouthed - looser of a human being and set him on dry ground and made something out of him. For that, I am eternally grateful.

    Since that year, I've discovered that the true secret of Chrsitmas is not at all about me - it is about others. It is about making and restoring relationships. It is about giving - not recieving - and it is about a long-term perspective that says that time heals wounds and problems are nothing more than opportunities wrapped up in the wrong paper...

    Let me know if you want to talk privately - I have some more things I can share off the board...

    Blessings.
     
  14. ExplorerSportNu

    ExplorerSportNu Well-Known Member

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    Very Very well put ^^^ :thumbsup:
     
  15. mctoy

    mctoy Active Member

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    ^AMEN!!!!!^
    Mechanic, that "Hole in your heart" cannot be filled by a human or possession. Folks spend thier entire lives chasing women, booze, drugs, money, possessions etc...only to find out that they still have that empty space inside. Always feeling alone, even in a crowd of so-called friends. (Been there done that...to the point of actually pulling the trigger...) There is an intrinsic knowledge of God given to all men according to His word. ("A measure of faith") Most of us spend our lives trying to be 'In Control', and find out that YOU are not in control of much of anything.You are however in control of how you choose to live your life. You have the ability to choose to acknowledge the 'empty space', and know that it is where God wants to live in your life, or continue to 'chase the dream'...
    Sorry for preaching at you bro, It's just that I can relate to how you are feeling pretty closely, and know what the answer is/was for me and countless millions of others. I too am available to talk via PM.

    GLFREDRICK...Thank you for being true to your 'first love'....

    In HIS service,
    MCTOY
     
  16. rfuree11

    rfuree11 Official Bikini Inspector

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    the preacherman put it the best...that is really amazing that you went through all that and just shows that God has greater things in store for all of us and that things will get better. I think the holiday season takes a lot out of everyone, between getting presents, going broke buying presents, visiting family, bad memories coming back. The key is to just keep fighting and realize that things will work themselves out.

    hang in there buddy :thumbsup:
     
  17. glfredrick

    glfredrick Well-Known Member

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    Thanks guys... I get a lot of flack for stating my views sometimes - but I come at them honestly - through having lived through some of that stuff myself - for me it isn't just a "religious experience."

    But the real reason for this thread isn't me - it is mechanic021... I don't want to hijack this by talking about my problems or my solutions - I want to be helpful to our brother that needs help.

    Mechanic - what a lot of us are saying is that it is all TOO common for people to get depresssed during the Christmas season - and that there are a lot of reasons for that depression that stem from real - serious personal issues that make life hard, to some stuff that we just don't like and don't know how to cope with... You have had some HARD stuff to go through but we want you to know that a LOT of us have found that life is definately worth living and worth fighting for!

    Sometimes depression during the holidays isn't even really related to the season - it just happens to come about during a time when all the stuff in nature stacks up against you.

    For instance, my wife suffers from SAD's (Sunlight Affective Disorder) - a condition brought about by the lack of enough sunlight in one's life - and guess when our days are the shortest - with the least sunlight? That's right - December 25! The cure for her is to get outside - to get as much light as possible - something she resists with all her heart, mind, and body once she starts getting depressed - but that I fight right back by dragging her outside. I know that she feels better almost instantly once she gets the light her body is craving - but she can't even tell she is going downhill until it is almost too late...

    Another personal story that might help - my Mom also goes into a major depression over the holidays... That stems from a lot of the same things you have been through... She lost her own mom when she was 12, and it was right at Christmas time. That really affected her to this very day some 60+ years later - mostly because back then, people just told you to "suck it up and deal with it..." These days we know that talking to someone that understands how to process grief is VERY helpful (unresolved grief is the #1 reason for depression and mental illness in America!). Living with her resulted in some of my own issues early on. Imagne a woman that freaks out every time she sees a black car - just becasue it reminds her of a hearse - or a woman that freaks out when she sees sheer white drapes - becasuse they remind her of the curtains in a funeral home (and a thosuand other weird things!). It's no wonder I turned to alcohol and sex to escape my problems - but they didn't help - they eventually hurt - and a lot...

    So, in any case, know that you have a lot of people pulling for you. People that you might not have even met - but that would go the extra mile for you in any way they could. That's what life is all about!

    You might want to check this out... It's what I eventually discovered.

    Here's Hope
     
  18. mechanic021

    mechanic021 Active Member

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    hey guys thanks for all your replies. The death of my mother wouldnt have been so horrible if it wasant for the fact that it didnt have to happen. Im so ashamed to say this in public like this but my mother took her own life. I was living in michigan at the time with the my first love the girl I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was engaged at 18 living with her and her family. Well I get a call one day telling me my mother has killed herself. She did this on a wednesday evening and THAt thursday morning I was coming to see her odly enough to show her my explorer that I had just bought. I was totaly blown away and destroyed by this. Well when i came back to michigan my relationship with my fiance just went down the tubes. I was mean and nasty we fought constantly. SO one day I just came home from work and said screw it and left. I didnt relaize this wasant the way to do things and ever since then I have been fighting guilt and sadness about this. I have moved on relationship wise and am with a wonderful caring girl. But inside I feel like crap cause i stil have this pain and guilt and sadness from my past with my ex fiance. Sorry this is so long i just wanted to fill everyone in on more of whats going on. P.S. I left home which is indiana when I was in high school. me and my parents coudnt get along so I basically ran away to the girl in michigan looking for a way out. When I came back home I opened a transmission business with my father and now me and him are best friends.
     
  19. MONMIX

    MONMIX I fix dents Staff Member Moderator Elite Explorer

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    It is a bitch no one can argue that.
    There are a lot of people here who hold tight to our presonal faith.
    I am sure I speak on behalf of all of them, you are in our prayers.
     
  20. mctoy

    mctoy Active Member

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    Hey bro,
    I was born and raised in Hope (Ind)...Talk about baggage!
    Hang in there man. Youve got alot of people pulling and praying for you!
    MCTOY
     
  21. celly

    celly disturber of the peace

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    Wow, that's a lot of burden to carry. Seriously, hang in there and don't be ashamed to seek professional help of that's what it takes. We may all be amateur psychologists on this site, but we're no match for the real thing.
     






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