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I'm in a silly mood right now so it's on!

Discussion in 'Exploring everything under the sun!!' started by SVT Girl, May 6, 2004.

^^Searches ExplorerForum.com^^



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  1. SVT Girl

    SVT Girl Active Member

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    Corny Jokes


    Q. - What do you call cheese that's now yours?

    A. - Nacho Cheese


    Q.- What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

    A. - The location of the dirt bag


    Q. - Why do gorilla's have large nostrils?

    A. - Because they have large fingers


    Q: why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    A: it was dead


    Q: where was mickey mouse when the lights went out?

    A: in the dark


    Q: where did hitler keep his armies?

    A: in his sleevies


    Q: What's a Palestinian exotic dance?

    A: The Gaza Strip


    Q: Why did the ghost put a fence around the cemetery?

    A: because people were dying to get in


    Q: how many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: let's go ride bikes.


    Q: How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: None cause they'd rather sit in the dark and bitch.


    Q: How many male chauvenist pigs does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: None, the chick can cook in the dark.


    Okay guys, it's your turn. Post some jokes.
     
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  3. Albino 94LTD

    Albino 94LTD Recovering from Moab 2016 Elite Explorer

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    KG7PKQ
    This is Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister.
    Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a
    mistake.
    This is this cat
    This is is cat
    This is how cat
    This is to cat
    This is keep cat
    This is a cat
    This is dumbass cat
    This is busy cat
    This is for cat
    This is forty cat
    This is seconds cat















    Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down
     
  4. Stephen

    Stephen Moderator In Memoriam Elite In Memoriam

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    What do you call a deer with no eyes?
















    No i-deer

    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?















    Still no i-deer :D
     
  5. Fish Man

    Fish Man Elite Explorer

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    lol at the lost tounge twister, worked on me ;)
     
  6. Crankcase

    Crankcase Moderator Emeritus Moderator Emeritus

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    Rofl!
     
  7. Albino 94LTD

    Albino 94LTD Recovering from Moab 2016 Elite Explorer

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    A Drunk's Diagnosis

    A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected
    a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, juice, and a package of bacon. As she was
    unloading her items on the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk standing
    behind her, watched as she placed her items in front of the cashier.

    He said, "You must be single."

    The woman, a bit startled, looked at her the four items on the
    belt, and seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections said,



    "Well, y'know, that's right. But how in earth did you know that?












    The drunk said, "Cause you're uglier 'n shit."
     
  8. glfredrick

    glfredrick Well-Known Member

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    How to keep an explorer forum poster busy for a couple hours:



































































    Put him in a round room and tell him there is evidence for Noah's Ark in the corner.
    ;)
     
  9. Albino 94LTD

    Albino 94LTD Recovering from Moab 2016 Elite Explorer

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    Hormone Warning:

    The Hormone Watcher knows that there
    are days in the month when all a man has to
    do is open his mouth and he takes his
    life in his hands. This is a handy guide
    that should be as common as a driver's
    license in the wallet of every
    husband, boyfriend, or significant other.


    DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
    SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
    SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

    DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
    SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
    SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

    DANGEROUS: What are you SO worked up about?
    SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
    SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

    DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
    SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
    SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
    AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE . . . .

    DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
    SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
    SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
     
  10. rjeffers

    rjeffers Active Member

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    Sing to the music tune of the Beverly Hillbillies

    Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name Bush.
    His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
    He drank like a fish while he was drivin' all about.
    But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.

    DUI, that is. Criminal record. Cover-up.

    Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale.
    He can't spell his name but they never let him fail.
    He spends all his time hangin' out with student folk.
    And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.

    Blow, that is. White gold. Nose candy.

    The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam.
    Kin folks say, "George, sta y at home with Mom."
    Let the common people get maimed and scarred.
    We'll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.

    Cushy, that is. Country clubs.
    Awol, Desert time. Nose candy

    Twenty years later George gets a little bored.
    He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
    He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna be."
    So he called his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.

    Gun owners, that is. Falwell. Jesse Helms.

    Come November 7, the election ran late.
    Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
    "Don't let those colored folks get into the polls."
    So they put up barricades so they couldn't punch their holes.

    Chads, that is. Duval County. Miami-Dade.

    Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in.
    Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
    "Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation.
    And that's how George finally got his coronation.

    Rigged, that is. Illegitimate. No moral authority.
     
  11. Albino 94LTD

    Albino 94LTD Recovering from Moab 2016 Elite Explorer

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    At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their shuttle flight start conversing about the recent worldly events.

    The strangers were of varying cultures. One was Native American. Another was a cowboy from Dallas (GW). The other person was a devout Arab Muslim.

    During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history.

    The Native American stated, "Once my people were many, now we are few."

    The Muslim then chimed in and arrogantly said, "Once my people were few and now we are many."

    The cowboy (GW) looked at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his mouth and said with a sly grin, "That's cause I ain't started playing Cowboys and Muslims yet."
     
  12. SVT Girl

    SVT Girl Active Member

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    :thumbsup:
     
  13. Rick

    Rick Pumpkin Pilot Staff Member Admin Elite Explorer

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    AB7FH
    Two nuts walked into a bar. One was assalted.



    Man walks into a Psyciatrists office wrapped in glad wrap. The doctor said, "I can clearly see your nuts".


    Corny enough :D
     
  14. Albino 94LTD

    Albino 94LTD Recovering from Moab 2016 Elite Explorer

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    I dig Steven Wright. Now I got to find a cd with some of his standup.


    I know I put this on another thread, but in my house, it's that time again.


    Words women use:

    FINE
    This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

    FIVE MINUTES
    This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

    NOTHING
    This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

    GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
    This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

    GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
    This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

    LOUD SIGH
    This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

    SOFT SIGH
    Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

    THAT'S OKAY
    This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

    PLEASE DO
    This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

    THANKS
    A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

    THANKS A LOT
    This is much different than "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
     
  15. SVT Girl

    SVT Girl Active Member

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    Yes sir! :p
     
  16. Positive Vibes

    Positive Vibes Elite Explorer

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    Why was 6 afraid of 7?



    Cause 7 ate 9!
     
  17. Campo

    Campo Elitus Explorus

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    What do you call a cow with no legs?






    Ground Beef.



    What do you do with a dog that has no legs?







    Take him for a drag....
     
  18. Bashman

    Bashman Elite Hornet Handler

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    How do you catch an elephant?


    First you dig a big hole then fill it full of ashes and place a peanut at the edge. When the elephant stops to pick up the peanut, you kick him in the ash hole.

    Okay, here's some corny ones:

    Q: Why are baby boys dressed in blue and baby girls dressed in pink?

    A: Cause they can't dress themselves.


    Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a duck?


    A: A bird that gets up at the quack of dawn.


    Chicken Little was found dead on the playground yesterday. Police suspect fowl play.
     
  19. Albino 94LTD

    Albino 94LTD Recovering from Moab 2016 Elite Explorer

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    Male-female Humor

    Q. What should you do if you see your
    ex-husband rolling around in pain on
    the ground?
    A. Shoot him again.

    Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung
    ? A. When you can just barely slip your finger
    in between his neck and the noose.

    Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin
    on the end of a man's penis?
    A. His body.

    Q. Why do little boys whine?
    A. Because they're practicing to be men.

    Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for
    the world to revolve around him.
    OR

    Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two
    to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

    Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
    A. Trustworthy.

    Q. What does it mean when a man is in your
    bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

    Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right
    after they're born?
    A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.

    Q. Why do men name their penises?
    A. Because they don't like the idea of having
    a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

    Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to
    fertilize one egg?
    A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

    Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill
    their males after mating?
    A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

    Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
    A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front
    of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

    Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
    A: They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

    Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
    A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

    Q: What is the difference between men and women?
    A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
    A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

    Q: How does a man keep his youth?
    A: By giving her money, furs, and diamonds.

    Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
     
  20. Trckmagik

    Trckmagik Ole Bag Moderator Emeritus

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    What did they find in Jeffrey Dahmers shower?






    Head and Shoulders
     
  21. Albino 94LTD

    Albino 94LTD Recovering from Moab 2016 Elite Explorer

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    KG7PKQ
    A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub.
    She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.
    When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his
    face closer to hers.
    When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
    "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
    "Actually, no" the man replies.
    "Can you get him for me?" she asks. "I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
    "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
    "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
    "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
    "Tell him," she whispers,








    "There is neither toilet paper nor hand soap in the ladies' room."
     

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