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I've got issues...

Discussion in 'Exploring everything under the sun!!' started by snocross1985, December 19, 2004.

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    1. snocross1985

      snocross1985 Explorer-less

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      Well it seems to me I have a problem and don't feel like sharing with anyone in person so here I am. It all starts with this girl I met when I was a sophomore in highschool. Whe were togther right up until after my highscool graduation (I was 17). While we were together (over 2 years) she cheated on me a total of 3 times with 3 differetn guys. Common sense would say that I should dumped her ass after the first time, but when I become emotionally attached I am blind as all hell. This girl was my first kiss, my first love, my first time (you know). Finally, after the third time, she broke it off with me saying that she felt bad for the way she was treating me. We stayed friends for a couple months, then were friends with benifits for about 3 months after that. After that ended, we drifted apart and stopped talking to each other.

      Enter my problem. I am now 19 and it has been a year and a half since we broke up. I find myself thinking about her at least 3-4 times a week. Not that I want to be with her, because I could never put myself through the ringer again. I have asked a few girls out in the last year and a half, but they either stood me up or said no. I am 19 and haven't been on a single date in over a year. I find that I just do NOT trust women and find it very difficult to get close to them. Emotionally, I want a girl to love me and care for me, but I fear when I find that person, she will screw with my heart. My friends are concerned about me. Not because I am unhappy or suicidal becuase I am not. I love life and and am 100 times happier than when I was with the last girl. I think that has a lot to do with m issues. Maybe if I find a girl that I will be unhappy or tied down. I fear that even though I am still young, that I will never be with a girl again and will live alone and emotionally incomplete for the rest of my life.

      If you read my whole thing here I appreciate you taking the time to read. I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. For some reason I yearn for, but at the same time, dread a loving relationship.
       
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    3. celly

      celly disturber of the peace Elite Explorer

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      Nothing wrong with you. You're still young and have lots of time to find what you're looking for. Be patient. "Desperation" after-shave scares the ladies away. A whole year without a date? LMAO. Gone longer than that my friend.

      Once again, be patient. You're just hung up because she was your first. It hasn't been that long since you've been together. Time heals old wounds.
       
    4. Redrig

      Redrig Elite Explorer

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      I think if you give another relationship a chance you will feel different. You have to trust a girl at first, if you dont the relationship wont work. Give the next girl a chance, she has never cheated on you.
       
    5. BeauJ

      BeauJ Moderator Emeritus

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      I think it's just this time of year that's getting to you. No one wants to be lonely. I broke up with my high school sweetie right after grad. in 2002 and didn't regret it at all. Just stayed single and partied SINGLE all summer, great times. But when it got holiday time, I didn't wanna be lonely anymore so I called her up and we got back together. I don't even think I really wanted to get back with her, I was just lonely/bored. I'm a really independent person. I don't like to get help with much, and I just couldn't realize why the hell I was feeling that way during this time of year. I'm currently dating someone, an old friend, breaking my 10 month single streak. If I wasn't dating, I'd be in the same position as you.
       
    6. briwayjones

      briwayjones Manual Master

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      If you're happy with not being with anyone right now than I think it's great. You're 19 there's a lot of time. I don't think you should be with someone just for the sake of having someone to be with. I think you'll find someone special that touches you in such a way that it will help you get over the trust issue and you will see her differently from the start than the way you see most girls. Also don't rush into anything. Just take it slow and see how it goes. Trust takes time to build.
       
    7. boominXplorer

      boominXplorer Elite Ranger Elite Explorer

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      hey man you work at radio shack right? All hot girls that get cell phones call them that night and make sure their phone is working right and see if the convo goes anywhere. It has worked for me 3 times
       
    8. EBInterceptor

      EBInterceptor Well-Known Member

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      I think it's really good to be happy about everything. I think right now I'm about 14 months without a girlfriend. My last one cheated on me with at least one guy, I guess that's what I get for dating a whore. Not to be mean, but everyone knew she had that reputation. So, after my 3-4 months in the gutter, the weather warmed up and I was much happier than I had been in a long time. It seems that when I was really down sometimes, I'd start thinking about the old flames that I had and thought I wanted them back. It was good that it ended, more trauma like that and things could never be right in the long run. I find myself feeling the same way about girls right now. I could probably get a girlfriend if I really wanted to, but then I find myself thinking that it would never work out even before it started. That's where I am right now, in the position to develop something with this girl, but she's going to be going to law school in the fall and a really genuine person, but I think the worst that nothing will ever come of it.

      Part of your attitude is very good. You're happy and don't mind being single. Thinking you'll be single forever is where it goes bad. Stay single and enjoy it for as long as you can, but don't rush into anything and give everyone a change. (Except for your ex, she blew it too many times already)

      Having no girlfriend just means more money for the X.
       
    9. Sport 4x4

      Sport 4x4 Active Member

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      Just to chime in, don't feel bad dude. I just turned 37 and have been by myself almost 3 years now after a long marriage to my ex who cheated. I often wonder if I'll ever be able to love again. There are a few who want me bad but I just can't get into it like that for whatever reason. So in the meantime I just work, go to gym and try to make ME happy instead of a woman who'll just probably use me up then cheat and dump me...sad to say but most women are meat to me now...get them before they get you I say...
       
    10. james t

      james t moderation Staff Member Moderator Elite Explorer

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      60/35/5

      You need to be 60/35/5

      In your previous relationship you were 100/0/0

      60% nice guy
      35% dont give a shit
      5% @sshole

      The 60% "nice guy" is the lovable you that is all loving and stuff blah blah blah. The 35% "dont give a shit" is what drawns women in at first. They say they want the nice guy, but they really dont. We say they want the @sshole, but they really dont. They want someone who will show that they dont care what happens and is rather indignant. Sounds stupid, but really think about it. They can smell that shit from across the room and are drawn to it. The 5% @sshole is there for your own protection.

      In your previous relationship, you were 100% "nice guy" (going by the fact that she cheated on you 3 times, you knew about it, and that she dumped you). Take my advice for what its worth..... but i can promise you ive been there done that 1million times over.
       
    11. Mbrooks420

      Mbrooks420 High Voltage. Elite Explorer

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      Listen to James. The next relationship you get will be important. You have tio be careful, and search for someone you can slowly trust. Maybe start off with the friend angle. Just take it easy. You don't have to be in any rush. Someone will come along. When they do, you'll know wether or not they are worth the risk. After you get a new girl make sure to give them plenty of space at first. Sometimes "recovery" girlfriends get suffacated by someone that just wants to be in another serious relationship. You have nothing but time.
       
    12. burgo

      burgo Active Member

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      Best way to get over somebody is to get on some body. Plain and simple, I know from experience buddy.
       
    13. snocross1985

      snocross1985 Explorer-less

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      James, you described me to a T. That sounds EXACTLY like me during that time. I think that is just what I needed to hear.

      Thanks for your advice, guys. This has been building inside of me and I had to let it out somewhere. Thanks for listening.

      If anyone has anyhting else to say, feel free to leave it.
       
    14. RFR2212

      RFR2212 Typing Police Elite Explorer

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      Dont hold anything from past relationships against future relationships. Sure, she blew your trust, but you meet a new girl and she's just that, new. Just keep pluggin along, in time... all in time it'll come.
       
    15. X~FACTOR

      X~FACTOR Name is Ray

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      Shoot! 19! 19 years old and you're worried about th...

      I was a virgin until the age of 22.
      (shit! did I just say that)

      Point is- you're still young. Enjoy! Don't worry or over think it too much. :)
       
      Last edited: December 20, 2004
    16. 00sport4x4

      00sport4x4 Active Member

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      IMHO, you need failed relationships it helps you learn what you want in a relationship, also you need time to yourself, people change including you so take the time to learn whats important to you, where you want to go in life, what you want to do, and most important who you are.You cant make someone else happy until you make yourself happy. I had a bunch of failed relationships some bad some good then moved to Michigan and focused on myself mostly and just casually dated for 4 years then moved back to Ohio and am now engaged to a girl that has lived 6 houses away from me growing up. You being only 19 gives you alot of time to find your perfect someone so instead of wasting time being depressed use it to better yourself so you know YOUR ready when that GREAT relationship comes along.
       
    17. A Wise Guy

      A Wise Guy Well-Known Member

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      Why not just say he needs a bucket?
       
    18. snocross1985

      snocross1985 Explorer-less

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      Well just as an update do my drama:

      I have been talking to this girl in one of my classes for a while. Just talking is all, but she was kinda flirting with me. I played the whole not caring thing JamesT said earlier. Well, I will be getting to know her a lot better now that I finally assked her out. Lia is a pretty cool chick. She loves 4-wheeling (truck and quads), dirtbiking, and snowmobiling. Doesn't like chick-flicks and loves action movies. Real cool girl to be with. She's 2 years older than me, but its refreshing to not be with a younger girl. Figured I would update for those of you who care. Like said before, she is a new girl and has not given me any reason to not trust her. The time away from the women has given me quite some time to figure out what I want, and that has changed a lot from when I started this thread. Don't need "the one" right now, just looking for a fun girl to have a good time with and whatever happens, happens.

      Thanks again, guys.
       
    19. off-road97Xplor

      off-road97Xplor Active Member

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      A Happy Ending ;)
       
    20. spindlecone

      spindlecone B

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      Get Married, think you had problems before,))))))))))))))OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
       
    21. snocross1985

      snocross1985 Explorer-less

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      lol spindle :D
       
    22. JGAMBLE

      JGAMBLE B

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      exactly what I was thinking ;)

      :chug: :chug:
       
    23. james t

      james t moderation Staff Member Moderator Elite Explorer

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      You mean you actually believed that load of crap i posted earlier?

      J/K :p , glad to see you back in the game.
       
    24. snocross1985

      snocross1985 Explorer-less

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      Your a wise man, James. :D
       

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