Joe Dirt
Explorer Addict
- Joined
- October 4, 2007
- Messages
- 13,340
- Reaction score
- 26
- Year, Model & Trim Level
- 07 Camry
Hi all,
Just checking in to say hi, discuss what's up...
I've been off the forum for a while, as well as all but one other forum while trying to reorganize my priorities. I've always put the important things first, but also always lapsed into the familiar when I felt somewhat like I've done "enough" of the important things if that makes sense. I have spent the last month or so working around the house, and spending time with my wife and son. He started a bowling league on his request which made me happy- I bowled through college at MSU, and have always missed it. Now we can do that together on Saturday mornings. He built a new toolbox at Cub Scouts last week.
He helped me put Deuce back together this past weekend when I replaced the water pump. He learned how disc brakes work. How engines run. How the cooling system works. Why FORD does NOT stand for 'Found On Road Dead..."
He learned about SAE and Metric bolts, and that the same car can have both types. That was "stupid" he said.
"Why don't they use the same ones on the whole car? In fact, why not just use the same size bolt on everything, then you only have to own one wrench? This is ridiculous."
Then the flathead screwdriver slipped out of the hose clamp when tightening the air intake hose to the throttle body. 4 times.
Then he says "Why don't they use the phipps screw on this? These are dumb too."
I said "do you mean 'phillips' screw?"
He answers with "Yeah- that's what I said- the phipps screw."
Whatever... Great- he has gained my hatred of flat-head screws also.
After the screwdriver slips out of the clamp for the 6th time, he says "Why didn't we use a socket on this screw- look- it's shaped like a bolt anyways. It would probably be easier with the right tool, right Dad?" because I just said that about 5 minutes earlier when changing hose clamps on the lower radiator hose by using the correct pliers, and how much easier it would be because of it. Great- hey- just zip your face and tighten the stupid thing, ok?...
He did some important stuff- he even used the torque wrench to torque down all of the water pump bolts. (I didn't break any taking them off!) He learned how to use it, and knew to wait for the clicks. He learned why we were putting in stainless steel bolts in some of them. I let him tighten the water pump pulley to the new pump, but because he has tiny arms, and I had gone through the rest of the entire repair without cutting myself open yet. Not taking a chance on that. I told him that I was not going to check his work, if he said that they were tight, they were tight- so make sure it was done correctly. I wasn't even going to set the torque wrench for him, he had to do it himself- I trusted him, or at least that's what I said, while praying... I was going to trust him, and we'd put it back together and test it out. He was beaming, he felt so important, which he was. We put the hoses in, filled it up with anti-freeze, and after a few minutes...
...nothing leaked! Way to go, Drew...
BUT, not everything is perfect. This weekend was very hard for me. Well, all of us at home. I don't soapbox much, but this one is close to me, and really affected both me, my wife, and my son, so I thought I'd climb up on the box and share some history, a situation, and some thoughts.
The only forum I've been on at all in the last month is a forum called "Wrong Planet" which is sort of a support forum for people with Aspergers. My son has mild Aspergers, and I'm learning form those that deal with it all the time how to help him, how to communicate with him, and it's working.
Friday was hard because we realized that anything can happen- I picked up my son from school on Friday and realized that for 20 parents in Connecticut, they will never do that for their kids again following the incredibly tragic actions of Adam Lanza. After school, we spent the rest of the evening together, in the garage, wrenching on Deuce. He said he wanted to grow up like me, while he had grease all over his face. There is nothing like hearing that. Nothing.
Anyway, the events of Connecticut took a toll, because news leaked that Adam Lanza, also had Aspergers.
For those not in the know, Aspergers is high-functioning autism- that as a hyper-simplistic summary can create anti-social behavior, quirky sensory behavior issues- like the inability to deal with having to wear socks with seams, or certain clothing. Things that are minor for us "neurotypicals" without Aspergers, are huge issues for Aspies. Loud noises can create issues. Bright lights can create issues. Inability to feel physical pain in some cases, and the inability to read a mood on someone's face. They usually prefer to be alone so as not to deal with the world that they don't understand or like to be a part of. Lack of empathy in some Aspies is also an issue. They can be "too honest" and say things that are not really socially acceptable. Like "wow, I don't want to eat that, it tastes horrible" when the person that made it is next to them. They have a hard time knowing how and when to react to someone's non-verbal cues. Not learning from experience as fast as we do. Lots of stuff that we take for granted. But, they are generally very smart. They can focus on a skill or subject, and investigate it until expert status is achieved. Lots of famous people are speculated to have had Aspergers based on behavior, because diagnosis is recent. People like Henry Ford, Einstein, Thomas Edison, and Benjamin Franklin. Oh- and Crispin Glover. lol!
In our experience, my son only has a mild case- he doesn't deal too much at all with the obvious social issues that Adam Lanza did, but he has issues with socks, sometimes it takes us 20 minutes to find a comfortable pair. Sometimes he goes to school with no socks. If he can't deal with it, he might melt down and cry and be upset for about 15 minutes. Sometimes longer. But, sometimes he's funny about it, because he knows it drives us nuts. The other week he lays down, and I get the socks on his feet, he looks at the socks, me, socks, me, and starts screaming that he "...can't stand them, and it feels like the flesh is being burned off my skeleton feeeeet!!" and balls up on the floor silent. about 10 seconds later while I'm still sitting there holding a shirt and staring with my mouth open, he stands up smiling, says "I'm just kidding, they're perfect this morning" and runs out of the room laughing. Funny. Thanks Drew.
Shoes are a pain- last time we went, we shopped shoes for 3 days after school. "Too tight" or "Too loose" or "These squeeze my foot" or "I feel a thread on this one" or "What is this bump, I HATE THIS BUMP!" followed by trying to tear his foot off while still wearing the offending shoe. I patiently tried on 68 pairs of shoes from 11 stores with him before we found one he could deal with. Yes, I counted the shoes we tried on. The ones that worked for him only worked after he took out the footbed pads. He likes them. <whew>
He doesn't get sarcasm at ALL. That's an Aspie trait- it's lost, his brain cannot process it at all. It's odd, but interesting. When we sarcastically say that the dog is going to move outside if he doesn't stop chewing stuff, we find him upstairs crying while "looking for warm dog sweaters for Oreo". He misses all of it, which cannot make living with me easy.
He's in 3rd grade, but he's currently doing 5th grade math. 5th grade spelling. 5th grade science. 6th grade reading. He has a near photographic memory. He re-drew the serpentine belt route with pullies all labeled from the sticker on Deuce's header panel that we reviewed when re-assembling the truck the day before- while sitting in church Sunday. I double checked it when I got out to the car, since I couldn't even remember all of it, and yes, it was correct.
Thankfully, he doesn't suffer from the awkward social issues- he has friends, goes to Cub Scouts, and loves to go to movies.
He's an 8 year old boy. Sure he has his issues, but whatever- all of us do...
A lot of Aspies withdraw from their peers, because they don't have interest in dealing with people. They can't handle the crowds, noise, or even desire the social or physical contact of people.
The problem is, apparently Adam Lanza had Aspergers, and now that's spreading around. My son has Aspergers. For some, that's enough of a correlation. Generalizations are made, and people get hurt.
We heard that Lanza's Mother was a survivalist/end of the world is coming/stockpiling stuff fan. Sunday morning my son said "He had Aspergers?" He looked a little upset, but then about 20 minutes later said "I don't think that made him shoot those people. I think he was really sad or upset that the world was going to end and he couldn't deal with it. He was probably just a bad person that needed help but didn't want help or something." Then he says "I have Aspergers too, but I would never hurt someone like that. That was really wrong and I feel bad for those people. It's even almost Christmas, that's really sad." Then he padded off, back upstairs to draw.
We went to church on Sunday, and out to eat at Red Robin afterwards. I ate a salad, because I'm getting less huge. Family behind us is talking about the shooting, and their grand plans of what they would do. Checkpoints, guards, the usual. After lunch, we're sitting there, and I'm signing the credit card slip, so I'm not really listening to them, when I notice my son crying. I asked him what was wrong, and he just points behind himself, to where the other people are and says "why do they want me to die?"
I listen, and from where I'm listening now, I overhear father of the year blurt out "take them out- enough already- autism or Aspies or whatever they said on the news. It doesn't matter- it has to stop, we can't keep pumping money into trying to fix problems that can't be fixed. These kids are all messed up and can't function as normal people. Want to fix the problem? I'll shoot your Aspie and fix it in about 3 seconds." Then he sort of laughs.
He indirectly wanted to shoot my son. I about went over the back of the booth and tore his head off of his shoulders. 10 years ago I would have. Now I have those little eyes staring at me, and watching whatever would have transpired.
So I didn't. I just told my son- who was now crying out loud- in a loud enough voice to hear "Andrew, not everyone is the same, not everyone has the same ability to accept people that might be different but are probably still a good person, just different than they are, whether it is inside or outside. <now looking over the back of the booth while my son is crying on my shoulder> Not everyone knows that you have Aspergers, and sometimes people say things that they don't mean. Sometimes people say things that make them sound no better than the person they're complaining about. That's part of dealing with life, and I think you do an amazing job of dealing with life everyday."
The guy was as white as a sheet, and his wife didn't look much better. Of course, they had 2 kids there also. So when we get up, I said to the table in general but more to his kids "sometimes people say things that might not come out the way they planned. It doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that they might have said something that they didn't really mean. Have a Merry Christmas." The boys said "Merry Christmas" back. The ghostly white parents didn't say anything, but smiled at us.
We get up to leave, and my son still sniffling slowly and crookedly pulls on his mohawk knit hat, gets up and bravely steps over to the table next to us and says "I have Aspergers and it doesn't mean that I hate anyone. I wouldn't hurt anyone. Merry Christmas to you." And grabs my hand and pulls me towards the front door. Then he stops to get his green balloon (always a green balloon) by the front door, and the Mother from the table comes running up and asks me if she can give him a hug. I said "It's up to him, part of Aspergers is that he might have a problem with unwanted physical contact." Hearing that my son grabs her and hugs her first before she can even ask him. She says to him "I'm so sorry honey, that was so incredibly brave what you just did, and I apologize for what you heard." He said "I don't hate anyone."
That all breaks off, and as we're walking out to the car while I hold his balloon (because he usually unintentionally lets go) he looks at me with red eyes and smiles.
All I could do was say that I think he just made a difference in the world. Maybe theirs, but for sure in mine. Moral of the story- Please, please, please don't generalize, and know that you may affect someone you don't know by what you say. Maybe they won't have the skills to deal with it like you would. Maybe someone said something to Adam Lanza- who knows?
What to do? I don't know. There is a time to figure that out, just not right this second. All I can do is think about those kids, the teachers, and especially the people and children that will deal with the ramifications brought on by what they know, heard, or God forbid- what they might have seen- for the rest of their lives. Prayers...
<off soapbox>
Tim- I've stockpiled Twinkies- not to worry...
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone- from the Dirt clan...!
Just checking in to say hi, discuss what's up...
I've been off the forum for a while, as well as all but one other forum while trying to reorganize my priorities. I've always put the important things first, but also always lapsed into the familiar when I felt somewhat like I've done "enough" of the important things if that makes sense. I have spent the last month or so working around the house, and spending time with my wife and son. He started a bowling league on his request which made me happy- I bowled through college at MSU, and have always missed it. Now we can do that together on Saturday mornings. He built a new toolbox at Cub Scouts last week.
He helped me put Deuce back together this past weekend when I replaced the water pump. He learned how disc brakes work. How engines run. How the cooling system works. Why FORD does NOT stand for 'Found On Road Dead..."
He learned about SAE and Metric bolts, and that the same car can have both types. That was "stupid" he said. "Why don't they use the same ones on the whole car? In fact, why not just use the same size bolt on everything, then you only have to own one wrench? This is ridiculous."
Then the flathead screwdriver slipped out of the hose clamp when tightening the air intake hose to the throttle body. 4 times.
Then he says "Why don't they use the phipps screw on this? These are dumb too."
I said "do you mean 'phillips' screw?"
He answers with "Yeah- that's what I said- the phipps screw."
Whatever... Great- he has gained my hatred of flat-head screws also.
After the screwdriver slips out of the clamp for the 6th time, he says "Why didn't we use a socket on this screw- look- it's shaped like a bolt anyways. It would probably be easier with the right tool, right Dad?" because I just said that about 5 minutes earlier when changing hose clamps on the lower radiator hose by using the correct pliers, and how much easier it would be because of it. Great- hey- just zip your face and tighten the stupid thing, ok?...
He did some important stuff- he even used the torque wrench to torque down all of the water pump bolts. (I didn't break any taking them off!
) He learned how to use it, and knew to wait for the clicks. He learned why we were putting in stainless steel bolts in some of them. I let him tighten the water pump pulley to the new pump, but because he has tiny arms, and I had gone through the rest of the entire repair without cutting myself open yet. Not taking a chance on that. I told him that I was not going to check his work, if he said that they were tight, they were tight- so make sure it was done correctly. I wasn't even going to set the torque wrench for him, he had to do it himself- I trusted him, or at least that's what I said, while praying... I was going to trust him, and we'd put it back together and test it out. He was beaming, he felt so important, which he was. We put the hoses in, filled it up with anti-freeze, and after a few minutes......nothing leaked! Way to go, Drew...
BUT, not everything is perfect. This weekend was very hard for me. Well, all of us at home. I don't soapbox much, but this one is close to me, and really affected both me, my wife, and my son, so I thought I'd climb up on the box and share some history, a situation, and some thoughts.
The only forum I've been on at all in the last month is a forum called "Wrong Planet" which is sort of a support forum for people with Aspergers. My son has mild Aspergers, and I'm learning form those that deal with it all the time how to help him, how to communicate with him, and it's working.
Friday was hard because we realized that anything can happen- I picked up my son from school on Friday and realized that for 20 parents in Connecticut, they will never do that for their kids again following the incredibly tragic actions of Adam Lanza. After school, we spent the rest of the evening together, in the garage, wrenching on Deuce. He said he wanted to grow up like me, while he had grease all over his face. There is nothing like hearing that. Nothing.
Anyway, the events of Connecticut took a toll, because news leaked that Adam Lanza, also had Aspergers.
For those not in the know, Aspergers is high-functioning autism- that as a hyper-simplistic summary can create anti-social behavior, quirky sensory behavior issues- like the inability to deal with having to wear socks with seams, or certain clothing. Things that are minor for us "neurotypicals" without Aspergers, are huge issues for Aspies. Loud noises can create issues. Bright lights can create issues. Inability to feel physical pain in some cases, and the inability to read a mood on someone's face. They usually prefer to be alone so as not to deal with the world that they don't understand or like to be a part of. Lack of empathy in some Aspies is also an issue. They can be "too honest" and say things that are not really socially acceptable. Like "wow, I don't want to eat that, it tastes horrible" when the person that made it is next to them. They have a hard time knowing how and when to react to someone's non-verbal cues. Not learning from experience as fast as we do. Lots of stuff that we take for granted. But, they are generally very smart. They can focus on a skill or subject, and investigate it until expert status is achieved. Lots of famous people are speculated to have had Aspergers based on behavior, because diagnosis is recent. People like Henry Ford, Einstein, Thomas Edison, and Benjamin Franklin. Oh- and Crispin Glover. lol!
In our experience, my son only has a mild case- he doesn't deal too much at all with the obvious social issues that Adam Lanza did, but he has issues with socks, sometimes it takes us 20 minutes to find a comfortable pair. Sometimes he goes to school with no socks. If he can't deal with it, he might melt down and cry and be upset for about 15 minutes. Sometimes longer. But, sometimes he's funny about it, because he knows it drives us nuts. The other week he lays down, and I get the socks on his feet, he looks at the socks, me, socks, me, and starts screaming that he "...can't stand them, and it feels like the flesh is being burned off my skeleton feeeeet!!" and balls up on the floor silent. about 10 seconds later while I'm still sitting there holding a shirt and staring with my mouth open, he stands up smiling, says "I'm just kidding, they're perfect this morning" and runs out of the room laughing. Funny. Thanks Drew.
Shoes are a pain- last time we went, we shopped shoes for 3 days after school. "Too tight" or "Too loose" or "These squeeze my foot" or "I feel a thread on this one" or "What is this bump, I HATE THIS BUMP!" followed by trying to tear his foot off while still wearing the offending shoe. I patiently tried on 68 pairs of shoes from 11 stores with him before we found one he could deal with. Yes, I counted the shoes we tried on. The ones that worked for him only worked after he took out the footbed pads. He likes them. <whew>
He doesn't get sarcasm at ALL. That's an Aspie trait- it's lost, his brain cannot process it at all. It's odd, but interesting. When we sarcastically say that the dog is going to move outside if he doesn't stop chewing stuff, we find him upstairs crying while "looking for warm dog sweaters for Oreo". He misses all of it, which cannot make living with me easy.
He's in 3rd grade, but he's currently doing 5th grade math. 5th grade spelling. 5th grade science. 6th grade reading. He has a near photographic memory. He re-drew the serpentine belt route with pullies all labeled from the sticker on Deuce's header panel that we reviewed when re-assembling the truck the day before- while sitting in church Sunday. I double checked it when I got out to the car, since I couldn't even remember all of it, and yes, it was correct.
Thankfully, he doesn't suffer from the awkward social issues- he has friends, goes to Cub Scouts, and loves to go to movies.
He's an 8 year old boy. Sure he has his issues, but whatever- all of us do...
A lot of Aspies withdraw from their peers, because they don't have interest in dealing with people. They can't handle the crowds, noise, or even desire the social or physical contact of people.
The problem is, apparently Adam Lanza had Aspergers, and now that's spreading around. My son has Aspergers. For some, that's enough of a correlation. Generalizations are made, and people get hurt.
We heard that Lanza's Mother was a survivalist/end of the world is coming/stockpiling stuff fan. Sunday morning my son said "He had Aspergers?" He looked a little upset, but then about 20 minutes later said "I don't think that made him shoot those people. I think he was really sad or upset that the world was going to end and he couldn't deal with it. He was probably just a bad person that needed help but didn't want help or something." Then he says "I have Aspergers too, but I would never hurt someone like that. That was really wrong and I feel bad for those people. It's even almost Christmas, that's really sad." Then he padded off, back upstairs to draw.
We went to church on Sunday, and out to eat at Red Robin afterwards. I ate a salad, because I'm getting less huge.
Family behind us is talking about the shooting, and their grand plans of what they would do. Checkpoints, guards, the usual. After lunch, we're sitting there, and I'm signing the credit card slip, so I'm not really listening to them, when I notice my son crying. I asked him what was wrong, and he just points behind himself, to where the other people are and says "why do they want me to die?"I listen, and from where I'm listening now, I overhear father of the year blurt out "take them out- enough already- autism or Aspies or whatever they said on the news. It doesn't matter- it has to stop, we can't keep pumping money into trying to fix problems that can't be fixed. These kids are all messed up and can't function as normal people. Want to fix the problem? I'll shoot your Aspie and fix it in about 3 seconds." Then he sort of laughs.
He indirectly wanted to shoot my son. I about went over the back of the booth and tore his head off of his shoulders. 10 years ago I would have. Now I have those little eyes staring at me, and watching whatever would have transpired.
So I didn't. I just told my son- who was now crying out loud- in a loud enough voice to hear "Andrew, not everyone is the same, not everyone has the same ability to accept people that might be different but are probably still a good person, just different than they are, whether it is inside or outside. <now looking over the back of the booth while my son is crying on my shoulder> Not everyone knows that you have Aspergers, and sometimes people say things that they don't mean. Sometimes people say things that make them sound no better than the person they're complaining about. That's part of dealing with life, and I think you do an amazing job of dealing with life everyday."
The guy was as white as a sheet, and his wife didn't look much better. Of course, they had 2 kids there also. So when we get up, I said to the table in general but more to his kids "sometimes people say things that might not come out the way they planned. It doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that they might have said something that they didn't really mean. Have a Merry Christmas." The boys said "Merry Christmas" back. The ghostly white parents didn't say anything, but smiled at us.
We get up to leave, and my son still sniffling slowly and crookedly pulls on his mohawk knit hat, gets up and bravely steps over to the table next to us and says "I have Aspergers and it doesn't mean that I hate anyone. I wouldn't hurt anyone. Merry Christmas to you." And grabs my hand and pulls me towards the front door. Then he stops to get his green balloon (always a green balloon) by the front door, and the Mother from the table comes running up and asks me if she can give him a hug. I said "It's up to him, part of Aspergers is that he might have a problem with unwanted physical contact." Hearing that my son grabs her and hugs her first before she can even ask him. She says to him "I'm so sorry honey, that was so incredibly brave what you just did, and I apologize for what you heard." He said "I don't hate anyone."
That all breaks off, and as we're walking out to the car while I hold his balloon (because he usually unintentionally lets go) he looks at me with red eyes and smiles.
All I could do was say that I think he just made a difference in the world. Maybe theirs, but for sure in mine. Moral of the story- Please, please, please don't generalize, and know that you may affect someone you don't know by what you say. Maybe they won't have the skills to deal with it like you would. Maybe someone said something to Adam Lanza- who knows?
What to do? I don't know. There is a time to figure that out, just not right this second. All I can do is think about those kids, the teachers, and especially the people and children that will deal with the ramifications brought on by what they know, heard, or God forbid- what they might have seen- for the rest of their lives. Prayers...
<off soapbox>
Tim- I've stockpiled Twinkies- not to worry...
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone- from the Dirt clan...!
