- Joined
- February 8, 1999
- Messages
- 3,791
- Reaction score
- 22
- City, State
- Wichita KS
- Year, Model & Trim Level
- 98 Merc
ER visits
True Emergency Room Visits -
INNER SKELETON-----
A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital
in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed
that she was carrying a 20-inch long skeleton of a fetus
, which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged
outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.
FEMALE SOFA-----
A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a
hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler
fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one
of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged
between the folds of her vulva.
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations
to his penis. He complained that his wife had
"...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex.
After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that
she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE?-----
A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in
his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend was
fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend
had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a
funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation
and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete
cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a
ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank goodness)
BLIND DRUNK-----
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining
of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but
they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help
using a suction pump, but without success.
Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did
not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been
trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!-----
A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency
room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The
man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had
hers around her head. They eventually explained to
doctors that they had gone out that evening for a
romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept
under the table to administer oral sex to the man.
While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which
caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it
from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man
grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let
go.
And you all thought your day was going bad!!!!
True Emergency Room Visits -
INNER SKELETON-----
A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital
in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed
that she was carrying a 20-inch long skeleton of a fetus
, which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged
outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.
FEMALE SOFA-----
A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a
hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler
fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one
of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged
between the folds of her vulva.
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations
to his penis. He complained that his wife had
"...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex.
After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that
she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE?-----
A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in
his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend was
fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend
had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a
funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation
and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete
cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a
ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank goodness)
BLIND DRUNK-----
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining
of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but
they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help
using a suction pump, but without success.
Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did
not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been
trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!-----
A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency
room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The
man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had
hers around her head. They eventually explained to
doctors that they had gone out that evening for a
romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept
under the table to administer oral sex to the man.
While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which
caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it
from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man
grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let
go.
And you all thought your day was going bad!!!!
