How Do I Get Herculiner Off of My Hootus?!

[GJarrett]

RE: DMiller's and trckmagik's posts above --

OMG, that is NOT funny . Let's show a little bit of mercy here, ok? That's hitting a little too close to home. I do not want to be that famous here in town. I'm going to be afraid to go home tonight.

PS/ concerning radio stations, I just learned via email that the Morning Show at Y100 in Philadelphia has recorded a song to the tune of Carolina in the Morning: "Nothing could be finer than to have some Herculiner on your Hoooo-tus", etc.

Hooboy.

On a positive note, I have been receiving dozens of helpful emails from nurses and Jeepgals from all over the world. My dating life will never be the same

[Edited by GJarrett on 11-04-2000 at 06:12 PM]

 

[subaruwrx]

Dude, that sucks, thanks for allowing me to have a story to pass around the office... FYI, i got this from the subaru impreza BB.

 

[Scummer]

OMG... ROTFLMFAO... that thread is way too funny.
That must hurt to be unable to get the condom off
I found the link to that thread on a ford probe UBB.

Thomas

 

[Flynhir]

Thanks...

That is quite an amusing story and I hope that all is well with your "hootus" lmao..
I am from Wisconsin and just thought you would like to know that the Wisconsin Four Wheel Drive Assn. has now heard of this predicament! Which of course is where I got the link.
Good luck, and hope all is ship shape soon!!

 

[Trckmagik]

Yea I guess I would have to agree with Gerald. I guess that would be a little to close to home. But it would be a great way to get the others of the world to visit the site. I wouldnt wish that upon anybody. I will bring you a couple extra beers this weekend, cause I think that you may need it.

 

[maxinquaye]

He he well just got here from a link on http://www.thefiringline.com ... you know what all the gun nuts think you should do dontcha....

Just shoot it off! An NAA mini revolver....aimed VERY carefully.....with high velocity stingers.....just may do the trick




[Hey, Ray! Check out that website! Another place to waste way too much time! Thanks for the link] - Gerald

[Edited by GJarrett on 08-24-2000 at 04:02 PM]

 

[kostas]

Well now - it just goes to show what we Limeys have always said:

People who THINK Explorers are the best 4x4 in the world ain't got the sense to keep their hands off their hootus!!

Thanks for the laughs, Gerald - keep your pecker up....

 

[NoBoundaries]

I think ever possible comment regarding this situation has been made. The joke has certainly run its course and I think we can all move on with our own lives now. If the joke is getting old, as it is with most of us, I know it has to be long past due for Gerald. This thread is 12 pages long and is taking up nothing but space now. I make a motion to one of the moderators to close down the thread and put everything to rest.

 

[BrandyBabeee]

Ok I have to tell you that I received this in my email and I registered here just to respond. Ok first off you poor baby that must really be uncomfortable. AWWWWWWWWWW

Second I am sorry but i laughed so damn hard i almost pee'd my pants. I have not even gotten through page 4 and i am going to have to finish this at home or i am going to get introuble. This is totally cracking me up thank you for the laughs on what was otherwise as stressful uggg kindof day.
Brandy

 

[PhxExplorer]

NoBoundaries, I second the motion. It has been moved and seconded to close the thread. All in favor say I. Thanks for the laughs Gerald, but it's time to put it to rest!!

 

[GJarrett]

Tim, you are absolutely correct of course. It ran out and got stale a few pages back. I nearly shut it down earlier today when it got a little TOO close and personal. Instead I deleted about a dozen offending posts and the thread has continued on with new visitors logging in. Should it degenerate a second time the thread will be closed for good. If you are a regular member that has continued to post yet another one-liner again after posting in previous days, you may have noticed that it's been getting kinda hard for your post to remain on the thread today.


It is only open right now because I think it is interesting for all of us to see the visitors log on and tell from where around the world they are, and where they heard of us from. This thread has turned into a sort of "visitors registration" and they are welcome to continue.

Peace to all.

[Edited by GJarrett on 08-24-2000 at 04:16 PM]

 

[45King]

Gerald,

You might be interested in knowing that your fame has spread beyond the boundaries of SUV's, trucks, and such. I found a link here from a shooting forum, of all places.

Gawd, what an ordeal! What a HOOT(us?!) Geez, I hope you never pull another boner like this one. One thing's for sure; if you do, don't put it on the 'net!

Our forum has over 5K members, so be expecting some more hits for a while, the link here was just posted sometime today.
We use the same format there, but you've got more cool options than we do. I might have our head guy check out your board.

I did own an Explorer once, a factory stock '93. Loved it. If I were going to get another SUV, I'd be looking at them and nothing else.
As far as ultimate cool in custom paint jobs...there's an outfit called Robar which has some propietary plating finishes for firearms. One is Roguard, a black, shiny finish which looks as if it's covered with oil. It's very slick and corrosion resistant (withstood the Navy's 2000 hr. salt spray test and then some.) I've wondered what it would look like to have a vehicle done in Roguard....but then, considering that it costs about $300 to have a pistol done, I think cost might be just a tad on the pricey side (especially considering that Robbie Barkman would have to build an entirely new facility just to accomodate anything much larger than a rifle barrel or pistol frame.)
Say, doesn't everyone want a multi-million dollar paint job on their vehicle?

 

[AudiDoodie]

Well, we don't have trucks but we do have four-wheel drive -- and the new allroad is coming soon to a dealer near you...

Everyone on the AudiWorld S4 forum wishes your hootus a speedy recovery!

Dead Link Removed

 

[unlvrebel]

Too flippin' funny

OK, got this thread from a Prosche 914 BB. Talk about LMFAO!!!!! Just way too funny! Had to register just so I could post. Keep up the good work.

 

[Dimcorner]

Man I couldn't stop laughing for hours... I'm bed ridden for a bit...

Just saying hello and thank you for being such sport about it. Got this link off RX-7 forum and I'm from Miami!!!

 

[GJarrett]

Ahem..... Back To The Subject

Does anyone remember the original question? Well, I have been emailed the answer by an extremely helpful fellow. I believe it may be appropriate to post his response to me.

This is a little late, since I am almost good as new now. But since this is the answer to the original question, it belongs on this thread. I will do minor editing and delete his name. At least HE gets to remain anonymous.

" Gerald...
Please take this message seriously. First off, you've
made the http://www.ford-trucks.com digest lists. While I too
am laughing my butt off, I sympathize with your
plight. So, here's a possible solution. I am a landing
gear specialist for Delta Airlines. We use all sorts
of nasty stuff in the restoration of landing gear and
subsequently we often get this 'stuff' in unwanted
places. Some of it just doesn't come off the skin like
herculiner probably doesn't. Except for those of us
who know the ultimately 'safe' solution. The solution
is this:

Because skin has pores and because you have sweat
pores all over your body, you simply need to "sweat"
the gastly stuff off. My recommendation (and I am
being serious here!) is to go get a couple of condoms.
A latex glove may prove more effective. Slip it on
over your hootus and go jogging. Or sit in a sauna
butt naked. Eventually, your pores will open up, you
will sweat like a hog in the sun, the bond will be
broken and it will just peel off. Trust me. It works.
At least it does for us. The inside secrets are to
make sure that ALL of the surrounding skin is covered.
This is MANDATORY! The more you sweat, the faster
it'll come off so make it hot, hot, hot. Just be
careful so that you do NOT overheat yourself. This can
be DANGEROUS! Don't have a heart attack!!! I mentioned
the latex exam glove because you may have to insert both
your hootus and his buddies into it. Secure it with a rubber
band so that the air cannot get in otherwise you won't
sweat enough in that area and it won't work.
Believe it or not, this is the tried and proven
method of slime removal for DAL. Toxic chemicals like
Acetone can do far more damage than is worth the risk.
Want an example? One guy used it on his hootus and lost
a serious layer of skin. But that wasn't the worst of
it. He got toxic shock and almost lost his hootus altogether.
They were going to amputate it off. In the
end they didn't but sex for that poor shmuck has never
been the same. Think about it...
Hope this helps! Later, ******** (end quote)

There you have it ladies and gentlemen. It took twelve pages and 26,000+ hits, but the answer finally came up. It is also psychologically therapeutic to realize that my problem was not so "unique" after all. The web is a wonderful thing :smoke:

Peace to all and always look for the Light in Life!

[Edited by GJarrett on 08-25-2000 at 06:25 AM]

 

[Stephen]

Hey Gerald, someone (Matt I think) told you to sweat it off right after the thread was first opened

 

[SportInjection]

Hey GJarrett I thought you'd just like to know that your endearing story of "A man and his struggle to free his Hootus form the evil grasp of Herculiner" has crossed over to some of the Honda boards. Good luck!

 

[Rick]

Gerald, even though this thread started off with a "serious problem" it turned out to be an amazing amount of fun for everyone. And I do mean EVERYONE. I think this thread has hit every continent on the planet.

Since you have now come up with the "answer" to the problem I think this would be a good time to close this thread to further posts.

Thanks to everyone for participating. You're always welcome to join us in other discussions Ford Explorer related or just "Everything under the sun".

 

[mattadams]

This was such a good story, I thought I'd re-open it, bump it to the top, then close it again. I know there are some new members that may have never heard of it before. Thanks to Gerald who allowed me to re-open and bump this... I had to promise I'd do something equally as attention getting... I'm not sure what I can think of though! Enjoy!