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How To Be Annoying In Your Spare Time


Elite Movie Star
Elite Explorer
September 1, 2002
Reaction score
City, State
Lake View Terrace, CA
Year, Model & Trim Level
'91 Navajo '99 X '19 Rngr

o Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

o Staple papers in the middle of the page.

o Ask 800 operators for dates

o Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

o Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

o Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

o Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

o Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

o Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

o Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

o Honk and wave to strangers.

o Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

o Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

o Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

o Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

o Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"


o only type in lowercase.

o dont use any punctuation either

o Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

o Pay for your dinner with pennies.

o Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

o Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

o Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

o Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

o Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

o Light road flares on a birthday cake.

o Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

o Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

o At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

o When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

o Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

o As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

o Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

o Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

o Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

o Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

o Drive half a block.

o Name your dog "Dog".

o Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

o Ask people what gender they are.

o Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

o Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

o Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

o Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

o Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

o Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

o Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

o While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

o Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

o Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

o Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

o Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

o Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

o Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

o Wear a LOT of cologne.

o Ask to "interface" with someone.

o Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

o Sing along at the opera.

o Mow your lawn with scissors.

o At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

o Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

o Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

o Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

o Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

o Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

o Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

o Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

o Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

o Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

o Never make eye contact.

o Never break eye contact.

o Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

o Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

o Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

o Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

o Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

o Make appointments for the 31st of September.

o Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

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Elite Cabin-Fever Captain
March 24, 2002
Reaction score
City, State
Centralia, Washington
Year, Model & Trim Level
91 , 93 & 01 Sports
Oh you missed one.

o Remove the toilet seat just to annoy the wife

Hey I had good reason to I was replacing it but ran into some unexpected material aquisition problems and I had already demolished the old one. Oh well I didn't need a toilet seat anyway. hehehe


Name is Ray
January 4, 2003
Reaction score
City, State
Valley Stream, Long Island
Year, Model & Trim Level
'97 XLT 4-dr SOHC
Got one:

o Page your name in the office phone system and don't disguise your voice.


Explorer Addict
August 24, 2001
Reaction score
City, State
Ada, MI
Year, Model & Trim Level
'98 Sport
When I was in high school I would always staple my papers in the middle just to piss my teachers off. I've also discovered that if you over analyze everything someone says really pisses them off. I do that with some of my friends and question everything they say, especially when they try to make some reference to something and you over analyze and totally ruin what they were trying to say.


Explorer Addict
November 29, 2001
Reaction score
City, State
Ridley Park, PA
Year, Model & Trim Level
1999 XLS R.I.P.
Whats wrong with asking people to call you conquistador while wearing a cape that says the great one, I have got to try that at a frat party sometime. (after alot of heavy drinking):D


Explorer Addict
December 17, 2002
Reaction score
City, State
Twentynine Palms, Ca
Year, Model & Trim Level
'98 Sport (Dead and Gone)
you forgot

o Make a trail of orange juice leading to the bathroom

o Go to the grocery store and throw condoms in all the unattended carts

o Peal off all the labels in the store

o Walk around all day at work mumbling like Milton from Office Space, carry a red stapler


Well-Known Member
January 10, 2004
Reaction score
City, State
Brooklyn, New York
Year, Model & Trim Level
'96 XLT
Originally posted by Crazy5711
you forgot

o Go to the grocery store and throw condoms in all the unattended carts

lol I've actually done that before, I was called crazy when I was doing it...These are some good ones..Keep em comming.