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I was a bit depressed, but now I am ecstatic...

Brian97V8

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Well here is my .02 on the subject

I like the dinner at home thing everyone is talking about but then again I would do it a little different. I like to camp so I have all the small stuff to cook with (grill, stove, all the cooking stuff). What I would do and I know it might be different you living in IL and all. I would take the "special lady" to a hill or something away from at all where you can see the lights and the stars at the same time. Cook her the meal there and just spend a few hours talking about what ever you wanted to talk about. With your dad knowing the girl and you telling us how he and your grandparents raised you I am sure he would not have let it go this far if he did not trust the woman. I am one for getting away as much as possible. Getting rid of the TV, cellphone, and all distractions. This way the focus can be on the two of you, like it should be. After-all how much "getting to know someone" does one actually do during a two hour movie?

Once again just my .02
 
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BigDave

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Good point Brian.. and while I have all of the camping gear too, it's February in Chicago.... Something to think about when it warms up though...

and I did leave a message... just the waitin' is difficult... :D


Dave
 
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BigDave

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Success!!!

I actually had a call returned!! I got to see about a girl tonight around 7:30!!! Wish me luck, so that I don't stutter and stammer too much....

Dave
 
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RFR2212

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Originally posted by BigDave
The other problem is that I spent a lot of time with my mom's grandparents when I was young. They were born in 904 and 1910, so you can get an idea of the kind of ideals, morals, etc that were instilled in me when I was growing up, which is my dilema.


I'm gonna bite the bullet and be the ass here :D 904? Damn, them is some real elders! Was that like Joan Of Arc time or sometin? :) Anyways Dave, I'm just here bustin yer balls... Granted I didn't read every detail of this post (It's 4am and I'm in Macomb, Dave should understand why I didn't read it all ;) ) Sounds like you should go with yer gut instinct and go for it man... Better to go and fail at it, then possibly regret it for a long time to come man! Oh and for some humor... here comes the WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMBulence :) This is for y'all to save and use for future smart ass situations :)

Remember, good humor in all!

P.S. 4am note... i guess my internet isn't likeing the site, and won't post, so this will wait till tomorrow...

since i just submitted this... Good luck Dave!
 

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DocVijay

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Re: Success!!!

Originally posted by BigDave
...so that I don't stutter and stammer too much....


My wife tells me that girls think a little nervousness is actually kinda cute, so maybe it'll be to your benefit.
 
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BigDave

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Pete, no offense taken at all, I have felt your pain!!! (I mean that I know what 4am in Macomb is like and what state he was probably in :D)

Doc, we're gonna find out...

I still gots the butterflies a bit though... I'll let you all know how it turns out, then maybe I can stop harassing you all....

Dave
 
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ld50

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Dave!

great call by "yob"
Don`t let her know how much you feel for her right away. Everything I`ve heard and experienced has told me that girls don`t feel comfortable with an outpouring of emotion to soon. I figure a simple statement about how beautiful she appeared to you when you first met might be alright, just stick with the "really like to get to know you better" thing for now. When the topic of the child`s father comes up it might be good to tell her you really admire her strength to go it alone, girls like to be complimented like that.

Good luck Dave! just relax, the ball is somewhat in motion now.

he he just looking at the clock and you are probably meeting her very soon...

-cheers
 
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ExplorerEB96

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ok my .........$.02

Dave she would not waste her time if she were not interested. I know....being a single mom myself...if I don't think anything real could happen (whether it be friendship or more) I wouldn't even ask. If she even REMEMBERED your name and she cared enough to inquire about you from 4 months ago......I'd say she is definitely interested......
btw: guys need to get this through their heads.... looks really don't matter to a woman when the guy has every other quality on her list......

and a date doesn't have to be expensive to be memorable...... ask her what she would like to do..... tell her that $$ is tight but you would like to do something that would make her laugh and have fun..... something that she would like to try but haven't yet (ice skating...bowling.....not too expensive) The first date with my guy was fishing, we had a blast [ the memory of the guy at the marina saying "OFF" would never work and these types of flies (New Jersey green heads) he offered us Skin so soft from Avon..... I still remember my b/f scoffing at it......until that is......we got fully out to the bay......the flies were all over us and the can of "OFF".... it still cracks me up when I remember him saying "OFF?" "They should have called it "ON." The guy at the marina was laughing when we came charging back for the "skin so soft." The point is.....it wasn't an expensive date.....it was something that we both enjoyed..... Just do something fun!!

Karol
 
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RFR2212

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Originally posted by BigDave
Pete, no offense taken at all, I have felt your pain!!! (I mean that I know what 4am in Macomb is like and what state he was probably in :D)

Well what yer assuming.. is probly right! :) Good luck!
 
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BigDave

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Well, I wasn't able to read any of what was posted after my last until just now. It's 3:20 AM Central Time right now. The evening went very well, at least I think so. Talked about everything from what she wants to do in life to religion. Even discussed her daughters father, without it being a sore spot.

It's amazing...I am sooooo relaxed right now... I want to share everything that we did, but I think that would be kind of childish, and I don't need to.

The one last bit of advice that I think I need is when to know physical gestures are ok (i.e. kissing, hand holding). I told you all I was a semi-social retard right? Need to be hit in the head with brick to read signs. (I'm a little out of practice, it's been a while)....

I don't want to seem pushy, or like I am trying to get in her pants, because that is not the case. I guess I will know when the time is right, just need that one last push to know I am in the right direction it seems.

Thanks again for all of the suggestions, pointers, reassurances...I needed them, to a degree.

Let me know what you all think this one last time and I'll let it die and just let whatever is meant to be, be.

Dave
 
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ld50

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Glad everything worked out okay Dave.

As for that first kiss, well, it`s always been tough for me to know when the time is right. Except for when a girl has just out and kissed me, I can tell that the time has come when you kinda look in each others eyes and stop talking for a sec, then you lean just a little bit closer and you notice that she responds by doing the same. Then your in there man!

There`s many different ways to know I guess, but that`s the extent of my knowledge of the ultimately undecipherable ways of women and what they want.
 
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unclemeat

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Dave,

I dont think you are the social retard that you think you are. I dont think you you really need our advice. You will know when it is time is right for the physical things. Try to keep thing as comfortable as possible for the both of you.

Also remember unfortunetaly failure is our best teacher. But dont be afraid to fail.
 
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dogfriend

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Originally posted by BigDave


I told you all I was a semi-social retard right? Need to be hit in the head with brick to read signs. (I'm a little out of practice, it's been a while)....


Dave

Hey Dave, I'm an engineer so I know quite a few social retards. You don't sound like a social retard to me (of course, since Im an engineer, my perception could be off a little here:D)

Just relax, have a good time. You will know when the time is right....either that or she will know when the time is right and take matters into her own hands (so to speak ;) )

Either way just stay the course and realize this is a wonderful time right now so enjoy it.
 
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BigDave

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Well...I think that UncleMeat (am I the only one that chuckles everytime I read that nick) and ld50 are right...

I'll know when the time comes, and if I'm early or off, I'll know that tooo. I think I will go the rest of the way figuring for myself, though I may stop back and use this as a sort of journal as time goes by and things develop or don't (but we won't think about the don't part)...

Thank you for all of the replies...When I read them, I did need them, but not so much anymore....

Like I said before, I have never been so relaxed with another person before....we'll just have to play it by ear...

Dave
 
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burnin_up

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BigDave-

I would lay claim that you are far from a social retard...the fact that you can post your feelings/thoughts about the whole situation on the internet and not be afraid what others think about shows alot. Granted, its the internet, and we dont really know you in day to day life, but it still takes balls and a lot of social confidence to post about a subject such as this one on a forum that you visit and enjoy regularly. Keep after her man, in the chase lies the reward, whether you reach what you thought your goal was or not. Although from how shes acting, you already got this one in the boat, now just go ahead and clean and cook that baby! (not a sexual inneundo in the least:D )

Todd
 
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BigDave

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Tonight is March 29th, I first posted this on Valentines day about the girl that I was pining for...

I thought that I would give a little update for those that had given me the advice and confidence boost that I was craving....

I have seen this woman pretty much every week since I first posted. I still don't know how to read her or the situation that I have gotten myself into...

For about a week two weeks ago I severely limited my contact with her, because until that point I had been the one to initiate our get togethers. After every one she would ask that I call her, and I would reply with "Do you want me to?" and she would say, "Yes." I would call because I don't like the whole playing games by not calling for a few days thing, but still I was the one to initiate the contact. So I let it go for a week (I was also sick that week, but still...)

I think that she realized that she might have been taking my friendship for granted and she started to call me and initiate our get togethers for the past week... Let me tell you that it was probably the most diificult thing that I have ever had to do, not calling her that is...
She has an extreme calming effect on me, like no one or thing has had before. I really miss her when we are apart.

My problem is figuring out how to broach the topic of where our relationship is going, because I am deathly afraid that if I tell her that I want to be more than friends and that I don't know if I could be just a "friend" that she will give me the boot... I have done the "friends" thing in the past and have been the "emotional tampon" (for lack of a better term, you should be able to figure out what I mean) and have been burned severely both times.

It's gotten to the point where I am very, no that doesn't do the way I feel justice, extremely afraid to let my feeling be out in the open about a woman, because all I know is being burned. I don't know what to do, and it really kills me...

I love spending time with her and her child (she has an 18 month old little girl that is an angel, and that I have a repore with), but I don't want to be just a "friend".

For the ladies that frequent this board (and I know that this may not be the best place to ask for this kind of advice, but it's the only online place where I feel comfortable enough to air my thoughts and ask for advice and not worry about getting flamed) I present a situation that came up tonight:

We went out and she went to get us a beer (we had been sharing beer's all night) and she had run out of money and made a comment about flashing cleavage to get a free drink. I told her that, "I would be very disappointed with her if she did that. No, I would be extremely disappointed if she did that." She said that it wouldn't be different from going to a strip club and I said that it was very different and that we would talk about it later. She went on to get a little defensive about it, because some guy had bought her a drink earlier in the night and she said that she hadn't flashed her cleavage to get that drink. Which I knew was true because I had watched the interaction. My question, is would she get that defensive if she didn't care about me and my opinion, or was it a natural defensive reaction to show that she wasn't that type of girl?

Which brings me back to my first point of not being able to read her and her feelings for me. I am sorry for the long post, but I really need the advice of people that might have been in this situation before, or are not as overly analytical as I am. Just some fresh input (at least as much as you can give without actually seeing us interact and knowing use) would be great.

I am most greatful for any and all opinions, even the ones that razz me a bit because I know that at least here it is all in good fun and the people here actually think before giving a reply.

Thanks for reading my long, drawn out rant (best word I can think of at quarter to three in the morning after a night of drinking).

Dave
 
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Brian97V8

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:usa:
 
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ld50

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Sounds like you`re getting pretty attached Dave. This is where in my experience nothing applies to all women. Some like to see a bit of jeolosy, some resent it. Some get bored because the chase is over, others get deeper in love.

I can say that it has ALWAYS been the girl who initiates conversations about where the relationship is going when I have been in that situation. I tend to let things slide like that, and just enjoy the moment. (I`m a little bit of a procrastinator)

I wouldn`t bring it up if I were you, but of course I don`t really know you or her.
Allusions to other girls possibly being interested in you might help her to come out with a statement on what she wants out of the relationship, if you don`t mind throwing a little subterfuge in there. (as in casually mentioning how your friends are always trying to set you up with girls they know, or how you got the strange feeling that it was a setup when you were introduced to a girl the other day.) Seems to me if girls are unsure about what they mean to you, they are driven to find out! It`s almost like they are not mentally stable (Did I just say that? mua ha ha)

Oh yeah, flashing cleavage for a drink is like you wearing shorts and soliciting a drink by putting a foot on a chair and flashing yer balls!
:D

-good luck, I was wondering how you were doing!
 
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ExplorerEB96

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Dave

First off....yes she got defensive because she obviously values your opinion.... but lighten up.... she is testing you to see if indeed you are being the "knight in shining armour" guy or if you will be truely indifferent.... we gals like our guys somewhere in between.... we like to joke about things like "flashing" and stuff....we like to know our guy would be a little jealous if we did.....we'd also like to hear that we are considered sexy or beautiful enough to be jealous over. Don't go overboard though....at times say something like...."I'm sure these guys would appreciate that as much as I would but I think you are too nice for that sort of thing"... of course since you are still just friends (so far) so it's still appropriate.... (what guy, even a friend, doesn't appreciate cleavage?). you sound very serious about this girl and that is fine....but lighten up slightly...joke around....women love to laugh and feel like your friend too....Most often women want to be the best friend of their guy too..

It is only my opinion Dave.....but if this girl has called you and spent almost every week with you on regular "dates" then she is very interested in more.. you can almost count on that....

Karol
 
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