The Black Hole | Page 64 | Ford Explorer Forums - Serious Explorations

  • Register Today It's free!

Post number 3327 has been selected as best answered.

Whats In A Name?

It was hot humid august night. The winds have all but vanished. I was doing my best to keep the sweat out of my eyes. The A/C was dying in my 94 Explorer, lovingly named "Pugly", and there was no relief in sight. I decided it was time to stop throwing good money into bad. I was gonna do the unthinkable,.......I was going to commit the most heinous crime of them all! I was going to trade Pugly in for a newer model! Oh the heart break! The insanity of it all! I couldn't believe the thoughts were even going through my head.

I managed to get the old girl back home, to her resting place. She seemed at ease in her familiar surroundings. I had to come up with an explanation to let her know of my evil plan. So i just gave her that old wink and grin that she likes to see from me as we made it back home from another day of adventure in the treacherous Midwestern terrain. I did my best in hiding my cynical thoughts, as I walked around to her rear flank and gave her that little pat on her bumper, as I always have when we part for the night.

The next morning I gave her a real good bath, cleaned behind her mirrors, and brushed her grill. She still looked pretty good for her age. Oh sure she had the tell tale signs, gravity has got its firm grip on her, and I am not the best cosmetics guy in the world. she didn't seem to mind too much, she still kept her nose up and drove with pride.

After looking at many vehicles I just could not find anything that had the same feel as my old girl. Then it happened! Was I seeing a mirage? Was I so desperate to find another rig that I was blinded by insanity? I found my replacement! I quickly made a sale with the owner, and brought it home.

When I pulled in the driveway, my heart sunk as I looked into the yard to see my 94 looking at me in disbelief. She was sunning herself in the grass looking all shiny and then, she just looked away from me. My heart was tearing in two. I parked the new rig, and walked up to her and gave her a soft spoken "Hello". No reply. I tried to tickle her mirrors, no response. The tension was so great, you could have cut it with a 32 count fine tooth hacksaw. I had to explain to her that she gave me great satisfaction for many years, and we made a terrific team together, but the time has come for her to just relax and enjoy her final days. She finally revved up, and understood, her days as my work horse has ended (so we thought).

I introduced her to her daily driver replacement. The shiny new(er) next generation of her kind. The 95 Explorer XLT. She warmed right up to it. Before you know it they were swapping stories. Now I had to ask her for help. I needed a name for the new ride,
so I went to find her, and what did I see? Those two were grill to grill in the driveway. rubbing chrome! I had to get the water hose out and break them up! Sheesh, she was acting like a girl at the prom dance! I let the name thing drop for awhile.

The new(er) Ex needed to get its shots, and a physical. When I got the word on it's health, I about had a coronary. "What do you mean Doc"! I yelled. "Your kidding right"? I asked. The Doc just shook his head and gathered his tools. As he walked away, He said it had a 50/50 chance of survival. My stomach knotted up, my teeth ground, my heart raced, and I could feel the energy build up as I let it all out, "Why! Why! Why did this have to happen"! I screamed.

The prognostic exam from the doc was as such. It had a blown steering rack, the shocks were gone, the brakes were non existent, front sway bar was cracked in half, the 3rd brake light was out, none of the windows or the moon roof would work, the door locks were broke, the rear end LS clutch pack was burned up, the tires were all in need of replacement, the spare was a Firestone recall and flat, the engine had a nasty tick to it, the TPS was shot, the MAF was corroded, the battery had a dead cell in it, the hood shocks were not working, the rear hatch lock was jammed up and you couldn't open it with out a key in the lock, The carpet was stained to no repair, the rear window wiper didn't want to work, and we could not tell what year its engine swap came from. it was a mess, to say the least.

I went in the house to get my gun. I was gonna just put it out of its misery right there and then. I suddenly realized I was out of ammo, from shooting at the jeep that was in my field. I went to the computer to find a place to buy some cheap ammo, and I stumbled across this website, that said it could heal any ford Explorer no matter what the problems were! I jumped for joy, I could not believe the things I was reading! I wore out the search button, asked a bunch of questions. I quickly broke out my pen and paper, feverishly writing down things as I was learning! I had found a cure for everything that was wrong with my new transport. It was a Godsend, an angel from the SUV heavens!

I sprung into action. I worked day and night, Pugly was right by my side the entire time, helping me in any way she could. I never seen this side of her, and was really amazed at how well she handled the pressure. She gently squeegeed the sweat out off my fore head with her soft wiper blades as I worked away. After an entire weekend of work, I collapsed. I needed some rest, and so did the 95. The sun crested over the hills, and awoke me to a new day. I shuffled my feet to the window facing the driveway, peeled the drapes gently back, and peered out at the 95. WOW!
It had a its color back, and was looking great! Now as the time went on, (and most of my paychecks), and the selling of almost everything I own, for funds to get the 95 to its former glory.

After some time to reflect on this name thing, I strolled up and whispered into Pugly's passenger side mirror, and she giggled with delight.

I climbed up onto the front bumper in my pajamas and robe half opened, with a cup of coffee in one hand and the daily newspaper in the other, I raised my arms with out stretched hands and proclaimed the new name of the 95.

BEHOLD...........THE BLACK HOLE!!!!!!!! (Then the neighbor yelled at me to close my robe)

The End................(or is it just the beginning?)

Actually, only some of this really happened. :D

View attachment 324381

Join the Elite Explorers for $20 each year.
Elite Explorer members see no advertisements, no banner ads, no double underlined links,.
Add an avatar, upload photo attachments, and more!

Storm passed, sun came out, and began melting the snow. Good day to get busy outside on the rig. :)

Got a beat up used tube bumper a while back, and decided I can make it work with a little tweaking. Had to run some new welds here & there, make some mounting brackets, grind it clean, and paint it.

This is just temporary and there is more to add to it, and change up a bit in the future. For now, it should work just fine.

Getting the brackets on.


Shop supervisor.






Join the Elite Explorers for $20 each year.
Elite Explorer members see no advertisements, no banner ads, no double underlined links,.
Add an avatar, upload photo attachments, and more!

So with this bumper, there really wasn't a place to mount a plate. I really didn't want to attach it to the back hatch either as eventually this will get a swing out tire carrier with a spare fuel can.

So as was posted earlier, the plate mount was made to be removable when not needed, and I wanted it easy to do so. Here is what I came up with.

1/8" plate cut to size of a tag, plus tabs for lights. Used the tow strap hitch mount, cut off the tabs, and ground it clean.



Welded the two together and made it offset so it don't sit too much lower than the bumper.


Primed it.


Painted it.


Wired the lights using one half of a trailer light harness, and installed it. Still need to cut down the bolts on the backside a bit.




The bumper itself will get a 1/4" plate added to the top to be used for a step, and to install the swing out hardware to.

Not really a major job, but took most of the day. Brackets (1/4" channel) were the hardest part to make, as coming up with a set up for a bumper that can tow, and have a 3" body lift that still looks okay, was a mind melt at times. Once the decking plate goes on, it will look a bunch better as it will fit nice and snug directly under the hatch flap just like the stock bumper did.


Bumper and plate holder and your bluey shop supervisor are all awesome mate! Seriously sweet!

Thank you Greg. I was silently proud of how that plate mount turned out. Turning some transparent ideas into a tangible entity, is a great feeling for me.

The shop super is a friends beloved. Super smart, and as loyal as they come.

I tried talking Aussie to him, and I think he understood me better. :D

hahahahahaha :D :D :D

The unthinkable has happened again.

Brake peddle went to the floor again :mad:

Another new A1-Cardone master cylinder bypassed. :rolleyes:

Thanks to Blueka, a stock Motorcraft Master is on it's way. :thumbsup:

I have 2 new rear calipers to install today. Thinking the rears are part of the problem. After these goes on, the only parts not replaced will be the power booster, & the stock lines on the frame rails.

What a hot mess!

Decided to install all new calipers all the way around. Front prograde extended lines were also installed.

Just waiting on that Master Cylinder, to finish it all up and bleed these puppies.

Glad its getting sorted mate. The need to stop can be underrated :D

ehhh brakes are overrated!

Back in middle school I had a go kart without brakes. If I wanted to stop I drove into something or turned really hard and spun it out, it added a pretty interesting dynamic to driving it haha.

On a serious note, hopefully that fixes your issue, I have a fear of losing my brakes. My brakes SUCK big time. No idea what the issue is, I even had them checked out and they found nothing.

Never ever had such issues with brakes in my entire life!

Brand new calipers right. Bleeder on one of the fronts must have been drove in with an impact gun. It was frozen in there so well, that a torch and a monkey wrench was the only way to turn it. :eek:

Needless to say that new bleeder didn't survive the operation. Meh..serves it right!

So in the ordeal to remove it, the rubber on the new line got sliced by the wrench. :rolleyes:

I was so close to taking a 4' steel prybar and using it to remove my anger on the rig.

This thing is possessed!

F***!!!!:thumbdwn::mad: Time to cut a hole in the floor and use your feet :D

Agreed, Fred Flintstone Style!

Yeah, this rig must have over heard the plans for this weekend and decided it wasn't going. The rig needed to take a short ride to get some more welding done on the rear bumper today.

The master cylinder has not arrived yet. Getting the brakes bled and good enough to travel was needed.

After the caliper debacle was over, the bleeding was done with engine off, and got a firm pedal that was at the top of the stroke.

Fired it up and had a soft pedal. :scratch:

Closed up shop, and Welding was cancelled. :mad:

Just have to wait for that Master to arrive and bleed it again when it's installed. Bleeding will be done with the engine running next time. :rolleyes:

So the Master cyl arrived yesterday afternoon. Thanks again Blueka :)

A bench bleed, install, and full system bleed to do today.

Asking all of you to cross your fingers, pray to your God, do a ceremonial sacrifice, throw salt over your shoulder, etc... This just has to work!!!

I just threw a virgin into a volcano for you, No, its OK, no need to thank me mate :D

Flashlight in hand, I am slowly lowering myself into said volcano...

Oh, and my fingers are crossed for you Gman!

Join the Elite Explorers for $20 each year.
Elite Explorer members see no advertisements, no banner ads, no double underlined links,.
Add an avatar, upload photo attachments, and more!

Flashlight in hand, I am slowly lowering myself into said volcano...

Oh, and my fingers are crossed for you Gman!

Thank you, uh...thank you very where is my PB&J with banana :scratch:

Been put together since last weekend, just been waiting on help to bleed them.

My helper to bleed the brakes will be here this weekend. Will find out if the newer master solves this agonizing unbelievable, can't be happening to me, WTF, ordeal is resolved or not. :dunno: