The Black Hole | Page 97 | Ford Explorer Forums - Serious Explorations

  • Register Today It's free!

Post number 3327 has been selected as best answered.

Whats In A Name?

It was hot humid august night. The winds have all but vanished. I was doing my best to keep the sweat out of my eyes. The A/C was dying in my 94 Explorer, lovingly named "Pugly", and there was no relief in sight. I decided it was time to stop throwing good money into bad. I was gonna do the unthinkable,.......I was going to commit the most heinous crime of them all! I was going to trade Pugly in for a newer model! Oh the heart break! The insanity of it all! I couldn't believe the thoughts were even going through my head.

I managed to get the old girl back home, to her resting place. She seemed at ease in her familiar surroundings. I had to come up with an explanation to let her know of my evil plan. So i just gave her that old wink and grin that she likes to see from me as we made it back home from another day of adventure in the treacherous Midwestern terrain. I did my best in hiding my cynical thoughts, as I walked around to her rear flank and gave her that little pat on her bumper, as I always have when we part for the night.

The next morning I gave her a real good bath, cleaned behind her mirrors, and brushed her grill. She still looked pretty good for her age. Oh sure she had the tell tale signs, gravity has got its firm grip on her, and I am not the best cosmetics guy in the world. she didn't seem to mind too much, she still kept her nose up and drove with pride.

After looking at many vehicles I just could not find anything that had the same feel as my old girl. Then it happened! Was I seeing a mirage? Was I so desperate to find another rig that I was blinded by insanity? I found my replacement! I quickly made a sale with the owner, and brought it home.

When I pulled in the driveway, my heart sunk as I looked into the yard to see my 94 looking at me in disbelief. She was sunning herself in the grass looking all shiny and then, she just looked away from me. My heart was tearing in two. I parked the new rig, and walked up to her and gave her a soft spoken "Hello". No reply. I tried to tickle her mirrors, no response. The tension was so great, you could have cut it with a 32 count fine tooth hacksaw. I had to explain to her that she gave me great satisfaction for many years, and we made a terrific team together, but the time has come for her to just relax and enjoy her final days. She finally revved up, and understood, her days as my work horse has ended (so we thought).

I introduced her to her daily driver replacement. The shiny new(er) next generation of her kind. The 95 Explorer XLT. She warmed right up to it. Before you know it they were swapping stories. Now I had to ask her for help. I needed a name for the new ride,
so I went to find her, and what did I see? Those two were grill to grill in the driveway. rubbing chrome! I had to get the water hose out and break them up! Sheesh, she was acting like a girl at the prom dance! I let the name thing drop for awhile.

The new(er) Ex needed to get its shots, and a physical. When I got the word on it's health, I about had a coronary. "What do you mean Doc"! I yelled. "Your kidding right"? I asked. The Doc just shook his head and gathered his tools. As he walked away, He said it had a 50/50 chance of survival. My stomach knotted up, my teeth ground, my heart raced, and I could feel the energy build up as I let it all out, "Why! Why! Why did this have to happen"! I screamed.

The prognostic exam from the doc was as such. It had a blown steering rack, the shocks were gone, the brakes were non existent, front sway bar was cracked in half, the 3rd brake light was out, none of the windows or the moon roof would work, the door locks were broke, the rear end LS clutch pack was burned up, the tires were all in need of replacement, the spare was a Firestone recall and flat, the engine had a nasty tick to it, the TPS was shot, the MAF was corroded, the battery had a dead cell in it, the hood shocks were not working, the rear hatch lock was jammed up and you couldn't open it with out a key in the lock, The carpet was stained to no repair, the rear window wiper didn't want to work, and we could not tell what year its engine swap came from. it was a mess, to say the least.

I went in the house to get my gun. I was gonna just put it out of its misery right there and then. I suddenly realized I was out of ammo, from shooting at the jeep that was in my field. I went to the computer to find a place to buy some cheap ammo, and I stumbled across this website, that said it could heal any ford Explorer no matter what the problems were! I jumped for joy, I could not believe the things I was reading! I wore out the search button, asked a bunch of questions. I quickly broke out my pen and paper, feverishly writing down things as I was learning! I had found a cure for everything that was wrong with my new transport. It was a Godsend, an angel from the SUV heavens!

I sprung into action. I worked day and night, Pugly was right by my side the entire time, helping me in any way she could. I never seen this side of her, and was really amazed at how well she handled the pressure. She gently squeegeed the sweat out off my fore head with her soft wiper blades as I worked away. After an entire weekend of work, I collapsed. I needed some rest, and so did the 95. The sun crested over the hills, and awoke me to a new day. I shuffled my feet to the window facing the driveway, peeled the drapes gently back, and peered out at the 95. WOW!
It had a its color back, and was looking great! Now as the time went on, (and most of my paychecks), and the selling of almost everything I own, for funds to get the 95 to its former glory.

After some time to reflect on this name thing, I strolled up and whispered into Pugly's passenger side mirror, and she giggled with delight.

I climbed up onto the front bumper in my pajamas and robe half opened, with a cup of coffee in one hand and the daily newspaper in the other, I raised my arms with out stretched hands and proclaimed the new name of the 95.

BEHOLD...........THE BLACK HOLE!!!!!!!! (Then the neighbor yelled at me to close my robe)

The End................(or is it just the beginning?)

Actually, only some of this really happened. :D

View attachment 324381

Join the Elite Explorers for $20 each year.
Elite Explorer members see no advertisements, no banner ads, no double underlined links,.
Add an avatar, upload photo attachments, and more!

Happy birthday, and is that too nice to really use though?

Join the Elite Explorers for $20 each year.
Elite Explorer members see no advertisements, no banner ads, no double underlined links,.
Add an avatar, upload photo attachments, and more!

Thanks! I got it to be able to use. lol, I know what you mean, it' all pretty still.

The wheels on it are in great shape, and the tires are still as good as the day I bought them. The spare is just cleaner. I can now do a real 5 wheel rotatation.

Your spare is up high of course, and I learned recently not to leave a nice wheel under the truck. My spare for my 99 is a matching Limited wheel, and the Winter salts have ruined the clear coat in about five years time. I will remember that, to wax any nice wheel left out in the nasty weather as a spare.

You will keep yours rotated I'm sure, and clean them all semi-regularly.

The spare is now mounted inside the cargo space, on top of the new cargo box. It will stay protected. When the time comes to put one of the others inside, I just need to clean it real good. I placed a rubber mat for under it, in case of a trail flat repair, and a dirty tire has to go inside.

I clean the truck and wheels pretty often. Bird doo, pollen, Tree doo, bugs, salt, and even bee doo doo is a regular thing for me. Heck, cutting the grass (or the neighbor) will throw a blanket of debris/dust on it. I always clean it right after hitting the trails too.

I can carry two full size spares if needed, by putting one inside the roof basket. The bracket mount I made for it, is still there. I might do this for the long haul trips to the San Juan Mtn's in CO.

I got 2 new bottle jacks this week for it. A 2 ton for the control arms in case I need to separate the spindle / UCA. A 6 ton for changing a tire. The axle adapter only works on a 6-8 ton with a 1.25" ram head. The 12 ton I have for it is just overkill. I got it because of the wide base, and height extension, but the 6 ton is fine. The rear axle tube is 16" off the ground with the 35's. The axle adapter adds 3" to the ram, and the ram extends to 16.5". I carry a 2x12 for a base, so that's another 1.5" lift.

A ratchet strap around the axle and frame rail keeps the axle from traveling when using the high lift jack on the sliders, but I just hate using them things. The high lift is great on the tube sliders, but that's it really. They make a better come along, then a jack IMO. They are handy for some situations, and can be a real god send of a tool if needed, so I still carry one, along with a 20 ft 3/4" trucker chain. Using the Hi-Lift along with the winch, can get you unstuck on high centers, and out of hairy sideways off camber pencil shaving scenario's. Already had that happen, slid off a wet trail sideways (trail gave out under pass side) for about 15', and a small 2" sapling was the only thing keeping it from going off an edge into a deep crevice. Come along to the back end of the slider, to a tree, winch to another tree, and pulled it sideways up the muddy hill, to safety. Good times.

Well done, good planning, tools are precious. I don't use most tools enough to justify carrying anything, but I love them all. The long bar jacks and similar that body shops use, those are handy if you think of them and have one.

Thought this was a bit strange for Fed-Ex to do last week.

A small box van pulls up, and a lady in her mid to upper 50's jumps out, and proceeds to pull this big box out the back. Before I can get to her to help, she drags it until it drops on the street. The two of us carry it up the driveway to the house.

The box is clearly marked it is a two person job, yet they sent her out alone. She was lucky I was home at the time. lol

Stranger part was another large Fed-Ex truck arrives 10 minutes later. This young man jumps out, and carries a small box with another item I had ordered. Think they kinda had this all backasswards.



Funny, and I think the person who put the TEAM LIFT stickers all over the box should be shot. How long did it take for them to put 15 of those stickers on the one side you pictured? I think they wasted a lot of work time, plus the raw materials of the stickers.

I had two Amazon packages I delivered today that were partially open when I got them. They only put one strip of tape on each seam, and not much packing material inside most boxes. One of these had a smaller Amazon package half way down into the bigger one(with the tape broken through). Fortunately we(USPS) now have another special scanner at each PO that scans and also creates a picture of each barcode and side. So I/we can scan the damaged ones and note them damaged, and know that there is a picture of them stored that proves they came to us that way.

Today was a long day, after Columbus Day.

Wow, a tire in a box? Mine usually just get a shipping label stuck to some plastic...


I hear ya there Don. LOL!! Someone had some spare time on their hands. I have had deliveries when I was home, but they tip toed to the porch, quietly laid the package and hauled butt back to the truck. I always assume the package is damaged when they do that.

I thought that as well Mark. In the past, tire deliveries was as you describe. The order was placed directly to Goodyear, so maybe that's why it was in a box. :dunno:

Those decals would make an awesome pattern for boxer shorts-just sayin
Hmm.... Halloween costume for an indoor party? :D

So I decided to swap the stock bottle jack after seeing BKennedy do it on his build thread. I took the stock jack out, and for the heck of it, I wanted to compare it to the 4-ton. Right away I could see they are close in size, and the stock jack's base is a full 1" wider. Hmm.... So, on to cranking that sucker. Took a couple of minutes to turn that thing all the way up, as it just kept going & going. I was very surprised to learn that the stock jack is a double ram (style) and extends to over 17" High!! I had no idea. I placed it next to the 4 ton jack all the way extended AND extended the screw head all the way. The stock jack is over 2" taller, BUT... It is a wobbly sumbiatch at that height. :(

So I decided that the height diff can be made up with a couple of 2x's that is stowed away. I ditched the stock jack for the sturdier 4 ton, and placed it in the stock location. I also discovered that the new collapsible 4-way fits in the stock tire iron location. Used some rubber bands to hold it tight so it doesn't clang around. So now I have a 2 ton, 4 ton, & 6 ton. The 2 & 6 are in the cargo storage box.

stock vs 4 ton.jpg

4 way holder.jpg

I like that 4-way if the plastic clips can support it. I hadn't put much thought to the jack etc, I rarely change a tire(faster to repair and air it up).

Mine are steel. Didn't even know they had plastic versions made. lol
Most people have a flat on flat ground. Most people can easily get a flat repaired on the road.

Removing a big tire on an uneven trail, or having to swap a half shaft on an incline, takes a bit more resources, and ingenuity. :)

That's true, you guys have to carry the right tools and supplies wherever you go. Just an air source and a tire repair kit are my main items, plus a first aid kit that you hope to never need.

Crazy day of wheeling over the weekend. Did an ass end wheelie down a steep trail, 3 wheeled every other minute, 2 wheeled off camber more then I like, tackled some extreme level 4-5 trails at night, and this is the only carnage I have to show for it all. :)
Tree root in wheel.jpg

Don't know what it is with this place, but this exact thing happened to me the last time I was there. Have to break the bead and get it out of there. Then wash all the nasty clay/mud off the rig. Ack!!

Cool, a badge of honor to bring home some wood.

Small group shot. The Blue 1st gen is an SAS rig. The White 2nd gen between Big Blue & the BH, is a new person for our group. I like this picture, as it shows a good size comparison of the Explorer rigs, with an assorted lift configurations.

Group shot Oct 2016.jpg

Don't mind the Blue straggler on the right, that's just Levi. LOL!! He is a member here, and used to wheel Explorer's & Rangers.

Join the Elite Explorers for $20 each year.
Elite Explorer members see no advertisements, no banner ads, no double underlined links,.
Add an avatar, upload photo attachments, and more!

Crazy day of wheeling over the weekend. Did an ass end wheelie down a steep trail, 3 wheeled every other minute, 2 wheeled off camber more then I like, tackled some extreme level 4-5 trails at night, and this is the only carnage I have to show for it all. :)
View attachment 93293