The Black Hole

Whats In A Name?

It was hot humid august night. The winds have all but vanished. I was doing my best to keep the sweat out of my eyes. The A/C was dying in my 94 Explorer, lovingly named "Pugly", and there was no relief in sight. I decided it was time to stop throwing good money into bad. I was gonna do the unthinkable,.......I was going to commit the most heinous crime of them all! I was going to trade Pugly in for a newer model! Oh the heart break! The insanity of it all! I couldn't believe the thoughts were even going through my head.

I managed to get the old girl back home, to her resting place. She seemed at ease in her familiar surroundings. I had to come up with an explanation to let her know of my evil plan. So i just gave her that old wink and grin that she likes to see from me as we made it back home from another day of adventure in the treacherous Midwestern terrain. I did my best in hiding my cynical thoughts, as I walked around to her rear flank and gave her that little pat on her bumper, as I always have when we part for the night.

The next morning I gave her a real good bath, cleaned behind her mirrors, and brushed her grill. She still looked pretty good for her age. Oh sure she had the tell tale signs, gravity has got its firm grip on her, and I am not the best cosmetics guy in the world. she didn't seem to mind too much, she still kept her nose up and drove with pride.

After looking at many vehicles I just could not find anything that had the same feel as my old girl. Then it happened! Was I seeing a mirage? Was I so desperate to find another rig that I was blinded by insanity? I found my replacement! I quickly made a sale with the owner, and brought it home.

When I pulled in the driveway, my heart sunk as I looked into the yard to see my 94 looking at me in disbelief. She was sunning herself in the grass looking all shiny and then, she just looked away from me. My heart was tearing in two. I parked the new rig, and walked up to her and gave her a soft spoken "Hello". No reply. I tried to tickle her mirrors, no response. The tension was so great, you could have cut it with a 32 count fine tooth hacksaw. I had to explain to her that she gave me great satisfaction for many years, and we made a terrific team together, but the time has come for her to just relax and enjoy her final days. She finally revved up, and understood, her days as my work horse has ended (so we thought).

I introduced her to her daily driver replacement. The shiny new(er) next generation of her kind. The 95 Explorer XLT. She warmed right up to it. Before you know it they were swapping stories. Now I had to ask her for help. I needed a name for the new ride,
so I went to find her, and what did I see? Those two were grill to grill in the driveway. rubbing chrome! I had to get the water hose out and break them up! Sheesh, she was acting like a girl at the prom dance! I let the name thing drop for awhile.

The new(er) Ex needed to get its shots, and a physical. When I got the word on it's health, I about had a coronary. "What do you mean Doc"! I yelled. "Your kidding right"? I asked. The Doc just shook his head and gathered his tools. As he walked away, He said it had a 50/50 chance of survival. My stomach knotted up, my teeth ground, my heart raced, and I could feel the energy build up as I let it all out, "Why! Why! Why did this have to happen"! I screamed.

The prognostic exam from the doc was as such. It had a blown steering rack, the shocks were gone, the brakes were non existent, front sway bar was cracked in half, the 3rd brake light was out, none of the windows or the moon roof would work, the door locks were broke, the rear end LS clutch pack was burned up, the tires were all in need of replacement, the spare was a Firestone recall and flat, the engine had a nasty tick to it, the TPS was shot, the MAF was corroded, the battery had a dead cell in it, the hood shocks were not working, the rear hatch lock was jammed up and you couldn't open it with out a key in the lock, The carpet was stained to no repair, the rear window wiper didn't want to work, and we could not tell what year its engine swap came from. it was a mess, to say the least.

I went in the house to get my gun. I was gonna just put it out of its misery right there and then. I suddenly realized I was out of ammo, from shooting at the jeep that was in my field. I went to the computer to find a place to buy some cheap ammo, and I stumbled across this website, explorerforum.com that said it could heal any ford Explorer no matter what the problems were! I jumped for joy, I could not believe the things I was reading! I wore out the search button, asked a bunch of questions. I quickly broke out my pen and paper, feverishly writing down things as I was learning! I had found a cure for everything that was wrong with my new transport. It was a Godsend, an angel from the SUV heavens!

I sprung into action. I worked day and night, Pugly was right by my side the entire time, helping me in any way she could. I never seen this side of her, and was really amazed at how well she handled the pressure. She gently squeegeed the sweat out off my fore head with her soft wiper blades as I worked away. After an entire weekend of work, I collapsed. I needed some rest, and so did the 95. The sun crested over the hills, and awoke me to a new day. I shuffled my feet to the window facing the driveway, peeled the drapes gently back, and peered out at the 95. WOW!
It had a its color back, and was looking great! Now as the time went on, (and most of my paychecks), and the selling of almost everything I own, for funds to get the 95 to its former glory.

After some time to reflect on this name thing, I strolled up and whispered into Pugly's passenger side mirror, and she giggled with delight.

I climbed up onto the front bumper in my pajamas and robe half opened, with a cup of coffee in one hand and the daily newspaper in the other, I raised my arms with out stretched hands and proclaimed the new name of the 95.

BEHOLD...........THE BLACK HOLE!!!!!!!! (Then the neighbor yelled at me to close my robe)



The End................(or is it just the beginning?)


Actually, only some of this really happened.




View attachment 324381

 

[gmanpaint]

Thanks Don! It ha been a labor of love over the years, for sure.

That new rooftop CB Antennae cracked me up last week. We pulled into a sonic drive in for some grub on the way back home from our trip. The 12' overhead roof where you pull into and order, got in the way. I had to stop or I would have taken out the fluro light bulbs on the ceiling. LOL!

 

[CDW6212R]

Thanks Don! It ha been a labor of love over the years, for sure.

That new rooftop CB Antennae cracked me up last week. We pulled into a sonic drive in for some grub on the way back home from our trip. The 12' overhead roof where you pull into and order, got in the way. I had to stop or I would have taken out the fluro light bulbs on the ceiling. LOL!

Funny. How flexible is that antenna? Would it be crazy to run a light cable to the top of it(would it still work?), and run the cable to a factory antenna mast that could pull it down 30" when needed?

Eh, I see it's not that long, I was thinking of the long type on the back bumper etc.

 

[gmanpaint]

It is a rigid 3 ft fiberglass Ant, with a HD spring at the base. It is not flexable, and is why they break all the time on tree limbs. The base spring gives, but I don't want a weak spring on it. It would flop all around and make a ruckus. I also have a 1 ft & a 2 ft Ant for it. I use these for woods wheeling with overgrowth. Places like Moab, and CO, there are no trails with overgrowth to worry about, and the longer Ant works better. On top of the Mtn passes, we can hear others from all over for miles. In the valley's, we are lucky to hear 1/2 mile with normal radios.


Pics do not do justice, to show how big this rig really is.The Ant mount sits over 8' off the ground. I'm 6 ft tall, and the roof is way over my head. The bottom side of the side mirrors, are at shoulder height. The rear bumper is over my waist.

 

[gmanpaint]

Shared these on the thread that Turdle made, but I want one of them here too. Ahead of me is Traveler, and in front of him is Turdle. I like this video as it shows the 12k+ elevation, the clouds & rains in the back ground, and shows some shelf roads with switchbacks at high up.

 

[Turdle]

Wait, where'd I go?

 

[CDW6212R]

Very cool videos, several in a row. That's an adventure on those narrow paths, and I hope that ARB locker earns its keep soon, next time.

 

[gmanpaint]

Couple videos of the test hit done at an off road park before the CO trip. This was testing the 2wd low range to see what can & can't be done. Never had an issue in 2wd low only.

 

[gmanpaint]

Ahh snap!

My pointer finger just hit a submit order button... Again!

 

[gmanpaint]

A year or so ago, I installed a brand new set of 35" MTR's, and they have never balanced correctly.

Bought them from 4wd Hardware. After they shipped, I took them into a well know local tire chain for mounting and balancing.

They used a road force machine that helps get the tire matched to the wheel as close as possible weight wise, before adding static weights.
Tech says he can't get them balanced at all. Said he got them as close as he can, and 2 are worse then the others. We put the worse on the back of the rig.

Test ride it, and no way, nuh uh, na ga do it. So thinking is the wheels are bad, as the last set didn't balance well either. I get a new set of wheels a couple weeks before a cross country trip to Moab. They swap them out, and still had the same issue. We threw in 8 oz of Dynabeads in each tire, and had to call it good, as I ran out of time. Rig was on a trailer for this trip, and this didn't matter for the trails out there.

Fast forward a year.....

Another trip to CO is coming up, and these tires start to shake at 60 mph. these won't work, as this time, I'm not using a trailer. 2 days travel one way at 75 mph. Had to take them off, and run a set of BFG AT's that are balanced well.

I decided this isn't going to work with these expensive tires that ride like crap on the HWY, at speed. So I hear all the talk about the tire size and wheel size, and how it is common place for this to happen. Well, I don't accept that one bit. I have ran other tires the same size and no issues. I just came back from a 2000 mile trip on the same size with no issues.

I find out after some research, that when this has happened to others with these MTR's, they had luck with Goodyear service. They kept on sending tires, until they balanced. I have a 6 year full replacement warranty on these. They prorate after 1 yr, but it is minimal. I have about 1000 miles on these tires, and they look brand new still.

I contact Goodyear, and they send me a file #. Then instruct me to take it to an authorized Goodyear dealer. As luck would have it, the original installer is not. I find a shop, make an apt, and bring the rig in. They tell me they can't get to it yet, and it will be a long wait. Then tell me they want $35/ea to even look at them. WTF? So I ask why. They said they have to remove the beads first, then test them on the balance machine. I tell them I will handle it, and bring the tires back loose.

I had the original shop remove the beads for $40, drop the loose wheels off at the dealer. 2 days go by, and I call them. They said they got them to balance, and come pick them up. Hmm....

So I get there, and look at them. They put more static stick on weights on a wheel, then I have ever seen before. I am not happy. I take them and leave, telling them I will test them out. If they still ride bad, I will return, and expect new tires from Goodyear.

So here is what they did. (Wheels are a mess from the last couple outings)

3.75 oz

5.5 oz

7.75 oz

10.5 oz

Put the two with most weight on the back, and took it for a test ride, and it did ride fine at 70 mph. I am on the fence about this. Is that much weight alright? I feel it is too much, and just a band-aid fix.

 

[traveler]

I'd say its a bandaid fix. Get new tires.

 

[CDW6212R]

It's worrisome for two reasons. The tires may be imbalanced enough that it's structurally bad, that(how much) I don't know. The other minor thing is the weights, there's more to possibly knock off. If it ends up you keep them, at least run a bead of RTV around the outer edge to keep the adhesive sealed.

 

[gmanpaint]

I need to talk to Goodyear about the weights and see what they say/think. They are closed until Monday for some reason.

 

[WormsExplorer]

How dare they. They think they need a 3 day weekend LOL

 

[Turdle]

Usually from what I hear is, if a lot of weight is needed you should break the bead and rotate the tire on the wheel 180 degrees and check again. That is to much weight.

MT's are harder to balance than AT's are. The imbalance is probably at the tread, where the surface speed is higher than the inner rim.

 

[boominXplorer]

I'd only be concerned with the one with 10+ ozs. 4-7 oz is normal for a mud tire. I've got at least 5 oz on every 35" Mickey Thompson on my ranger. I've got over 7oz on one of my tires and I'm pretty sure it's a little out of round. Mind you my tires have about 50% tread, have done many burnouts and are 4 years old.

 

[gmanpaint]

My KM2'a had massive tread beef, and they balanced perfectly with dynabeads.

On one hand I understand, it's a MT and not made for super fast speeds, BUT they are sold as dual use, and DOT approved, so they should at least be good to do the speed limits.

If they told me beforehand, that these tires will not balance properly, and I would not be able to do 60 mph with them, do you really think I would have bought them? C'mon, lets get real here. I paid big bucks, based on what they hyped, and I expect them to work..... Period.

I agree with Don. They have obvious manufacturing flaws. You can do a little googling, and find plenty of stories about the manufacturing mishaps, and Goodyear honering the warranties.

In case it wasn't read in the above post....... Balance was attempted by two different tire shops, using a high dollar, High tech, Road force machine, 2 diff sets of wheels, static weights, and beads, and this is the best they can do. How the hell can they argue that they aren't defective? At least 2 of them!!!

 

[CDW6212R]

I'd only be concerned with the one with 10+ ozs. 4-7 oz is normal for a mud tire. I've got at least 5 oz on every 35" Mickey Thompson on my ranger. I've got over 7oz on one of my tires and I'm pretty sure it's a little out of round. Mind you my tires have about 50% tread, have done many burnouts and are 4 years old.

Ditto, the few ounces don't bother me, it's the big 10+ ounce one that shouldn't have passed inspection to begin with.

 

[gmanpaint]

Didn't feel like doing yard work on my Saturday off, (always tomorrow). I had an idea about storing items better, awhile back, during the recent CO trip. So I broke out the wood working tools, and got busy, after I stripped the cargo area of some add on stuff, to make room to work. I managed to get about 90% of it done. Have to wait on a few parts I ordered, to finish it off.

I built another storage box, but this one is way bigger. (H-W-D).

Raw outer box.

Raw box with Slide out Drawer.

Covered & Installed in the rig.

So, I installed the other box on top of this one, but I had to install a small 3" lift kit on it first.

Reason for the lift kit... A space to store the coveted camping table that nobody remembers to bring with. lol I installed an E-track stretch strap across it to hold it in place.

I also added a 24"Wx12"Hx6"D E-Track Basket to hold the small loose items that normally just get stuffed into the 1st crevice found.

Parts I'm waiting on, are single Slim E-track mounts. The other side of the box is getting 2" stretch straps to hold misc items, against the side of the box. The top and rear sides also get these. Still have to install the spare drive shaft mounts. Skeeters came out for dinner, and I was on the menu. I called it a day.

 

[Turdle]

Camp table, thanks for reminding me. I'll have to remember to get one later.

 

[traveler]

Great work! You've inspired me... Hmmm... How to install a cabinet like that and still have room for Molly.