I have had bad luck wheelin but I have made some great friends here and locally and between them I have gotten the courage to do dang near all my own work. This is kinda funny, for oil changes I take it in so I dont have to worry about disposal, the mess, and they usually top off fluids and what not.
Oil Change Instructions For Women:
>
>
>Step 1: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the
last
>oil change.
>Step 2: Drink a cup of coffee.
>Step 3: 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained
>
>vehicle.
>
>Money Spent:
>$20.00 for oil change
>$1.00 for coffee
> Total = $21.00
>
>Oil Change Instructions For Men:
>
>Step 1: Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil,
filter,
>
>kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
>Step 2: Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
it
>back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
>Step 3: Open a beer; drink it.
>Step 4: Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>Step 5: Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
>Step 6: In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
>Step 7: Place drain pan under engine.
>Step 8: Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
>Step 9: Give up looking after 15 minutes and use crescent wrench.
>Step 10: Unscrew drain plug.
>Step 11: Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; burn hand in hot oil, get
it
all
>
>over your clothes in process.
>Step 12: Clean up mess.
>Step 13: Have another beer while watching oil drain.
>Step 14: Look for oil filter wrench.
>Step 15: Give up looking after 10 minutes, poke oil filter with
screwdriver
>and twist off.
>Step 16: Beer.
>Step 17: Buddy shows up to lend technical support, helps finish case
of
>beer; unanimous committee decision to finish oil change tomorrow.
>Step 18: Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
>Step 19: Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during steps 11 & 18.
>Step 20: Beer. No, wait a minute-drank it all yesterday.
>Step 21: Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
>Step 22: Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
to
>gasket surface.
>Step 23: Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>Step 24: Suddenly remember drain plug from step 11.
>Step 25: Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>Step 26: Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
yard,
>along with drain plug.
>Step 27: Drink beer.
>Step 28: Uncover hole and sift through muck for drain plug.
>Step 29: Mutter under breath about first quart of fresh oil, now on
the
>floor.
>Step 30: Drink beer.
>Step 31: Slip with crescent wrench while tightening drain plug, bang
>knuckles
>on frame.
>Step 32: Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
>Step 33: Begin uncontrollable cussing fit.
>Step 34: Throw wrench.
>Step 35: Cuss for additional 10 minutes due to thrown wrench damaging
Miss
>December (1992) in the left boob.
>Step 36: Beer.
>Step 37: Clean up hands and forehead; bandage as required to stop blood
>flow.
>
>Step 38: Beer.
>Step 39: Another beer.
>Step 40: Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
>Step 41: Beer.
>Step 42: Lower car from jack stands.
>Step 43: Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
>Step 44: Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
>during
>step 23.
>Step 45: Beer.
>Step 46: Test drive car.
>Step 47: Get pulled over & arrested for driving under the influence.
>Step 48: Car gets impounded.
>Step 49: Make bail; retrieve car from impound yard.
>
>Money Spent:
>$50.00 Parts
>$27.50 Beer
>$75.00 replacement set of jack stands (hey the colors have to
match!!!!)
>$1,000.00 Bail
>$200.00 Impound and towing fee
>$2,379.50 Fines and court costs
>
> Total = $3,732.00
friends and this board help alot too.
