BonesDT
Elite Explorer
- Joined
- July 12, 2002
- Messages
- 1,074
- Reaction score
- 8
- City, State
- Westchester, NY
- Year, Model & Trim Level
- Red '99 Sport SOHC 4x4
My friend sent me this email, I couldn't stop laughing it's so true. I figured a lot of you could relate to this as well:
Oil Change Instructions
"Oil Change Instructions For Ryan"
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube after 3 months (or 3000 miles since the last oil change.)
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) write a check and
4) leave with a properly maintained vehicle
Money spent:
$29.00 for oil change
$0.00 for coffee
Total = $29.00
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oil Change Instructions For BonesDT"
1) Go to auto parts store
2) Write a check for $50.00 for:
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and a pine tree scented air freshener
3) Discover that the used oil container is full.
4) Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
5) Open a beer and drink it.
6) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Smoke up.
7) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
8) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. Smoke.
9) Place drain pan under engine.
10) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
11) Give up and use crescent wrench.
12) Unscrew drain plug.
13) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
14) Clean up mess.
15) Have another beer while watching oil drain. Smoke.
16) Look for oil filter wrench.
17) Give up; puncture oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
18) Beer.
19) Buddy shows up;
20) Finish case of beer with buddy. Finish oil change tomorrow. Smoke up.
21) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
22) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 21.
23) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday. Smoke Up.
24) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
25) Install new oil filter (making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface)
26) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
27) Remember drain plug from step 12.
28) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
29) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug
30) Drink beer. Smoke Up. Go to bar. Get highscore on photohunt. Go back to car.
31) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
32) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
33) Drink beer.
34) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug, banging knuckles.
35) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 34.
36) Begin cussing fit.
37) Throw wrench.
38) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992). Jerk off.
39) Beer.
40) Clean up and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
41) Beer.
42) Beer. Smoke up.
43) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
44) Beer.
45) Lower car from jack stands.
46) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
47) Move car back
48) Apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 32.
49) Beer.
50) Test drive car.
51) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
52) Make bail
53) Get car from impound yard. Smoke up.
Money spent:
$50.00 parts
$25.00 beer
$50.00 grass
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands:
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee
$1,400.00 Total
Oil Change Instructions
"Oil Change Instructions For Ryan"
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube after 3 months (or 3000 miles since the last oil change.)
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) write a check and
4) leave with a properly maintained vehicle
Money spent:
$29.00 for oil change
$0.00 for coffee
Total = $29.00
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oil Change Instructions For BonesDT"
1) Go to auto parts store
2) Write a check for $50.00 for:
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and a pine tree scented air freshener
3) Discover that the used oil container is full.
4) Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
5) Open a beer and drink it.
6) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Smoke up.
7) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
8) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. Smoke.
9) Place drain pan under engine.
10) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
11) Give up and use crescent wrench.
12) Unscrew drain plug.
13) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
14) Clean up mess.
15) Have another beer while watching oil drain. Smoke.
16) Look for oil filter wrench.
17) Give up; puncture oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
18) Beer.
19) Buddy shows up;
20) Finish case of beer with buddy. Finish oil change tomorrow. Smoke up.
21) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
22) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 21.
23) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday. Smoke Up.
24) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
25) Install new oil filter (making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface)
26) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
27) Remember drain plug from step 12.
28) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
29) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug
30) Drink beer. Smoke Up. Go to bar. Get highscore on photohunt. Go back to car.
31) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
32) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
33) Drink beer.
34) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug, banging knuckles.
35) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 34.
36) Begin cussing fit.
37) Throw wrench.
38) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992). Jerk off.
39) Beer.
40) Clean up and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
41) Beer.
42) Beer. Smoke up.
43) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
44) Beer.
45) Lower car from jack stands.
46) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
47) Move car back
48) Apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 32.
49) Beer.
50) Test drive car.
51) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
52) Make bail
53) Get car from impound yard. Smoke up.
Money spent:
$50.00 parts
$25.00 beer
$50.00 grass
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands:
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee
$1,400.00 Total
