junkYARDbuilt
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 25, 2009
- Messages
- 124
- Reaction score
- 1
- City, State
- Lawrence, MA
- Year, Model & Trim Level
- '94 XLT
:The names of the people and exact locations have been changed to protect those parties involved:
My friend "juan" has been growing bored with our usual trail (and the 98 pathfinder he picked up for a few hundred bucks) and decides to embark on a journey of which his truck will never recover. So with more balls than brains, "Juan" aproaches the edge of a 4 ft vertical drop which borders brush so thick you couldn't walk in on foot with a hedge trimmer in each hand.
The pathfinder revs with anticipation, and with one violent snap of the clutch, "juan" lunges head first into un-claimed wilderness. I feel sick.
There was an aroma of green foliage searing on catalytic converters, and the woods filled the sounds of breaking sticks, and a rusty throw out bearing.
The Pathfinder dissapears quickly into the brush, but it's progress is easily seen from afar as rows of trees (many as much as 5" in diameter) begin to topple down in a kind of "Tazmanian Devil" fashion.
Suddenly silence falls on the woods. I knew he was stuck before he could mange to yell back at me to get a chain. I looked to my Explorer, and the hole in the brush I would have to enter over the 4 foot drop.
Not going to happen. This looked like job for a seasoned veteran, not my poor daily driver... off roading is one thing, raping the woods in the family vehicle is quite another.
So out comes the 87 Jeep. Rusty, dented and on it's last breath of precious life. PERFECT! With 4 low engaged, and the chain from the back of my EX., I enter the now christened "juan" memorial trail.
Driving in the swath of destruction left before me, eventually I come across the path finder, bottomed out on the crest of a short but steep hill, with the right front tire a third of the way up a good size tree which refused to give way to brute strength. With a quick tug from the jeep, "Juan" is freed from the obstacle. I stop the jeep getting ready to un hook the chain and... SLAM! It seems the hydraulic clutch line in quite vulnerable in Pathfinders and during the extracation, "Juans" clutch became inoperative.
I exit in the jeep which has impressed me so far within the 20 or so minutes i was behind the wheel, and followed out by the Pathfinder.
Now "Juan", dissatisfied with the length of the trail he has blazed, turns his eye to the jeep. It is of no value, and will shortly be disposed of, but I like it damnit!
"Juan" assumes the operators seat of the jeep as night begins to fall. I make the poor decision of taking the ride along tour, and climb into the passengers seat. Seatbelt barely enganged, I feel the jeep lurk forward and downward as we re-enter the woods.
The headlights are useless as the entire vehilce is consumed by brush and shrubs. "Juan" sems unphased as he rapidly pushes through the wilderness as "Fish"(my friend who is now in the back of the jeep) and I look on in disbelief at the very forest parting under the tires of the jeep.
The brush gets thick, and requires a forward, backward, forward motion to navigate. On the last forward, the jeep begins to point downward. "STOP!" It was "fish" in the back seat. "The river must be RIGHT THERE! DON'T MOVE".
"Fish" and I exit the jeep and udder a nervous laugh as we look over the edge of a 20 foot drop, at the bottom of which is the Mighty River.
It is now obvious that the "juan Memorial Trail" could use a HARD left turn about 10 feet back in the direction we came. After ramming the jeep into the newly sought direction, and obliterating the last of the shrubs, we come to a steep hill under the powerlines, which we know has an open field at the top. The first ascent proved unsucsesful, as the jeep bottomed out at the crest, and stalled from exhaustion.
After what seemed like forever, we were able to start the jeep and push it back down the hill. Convinced he chose the wrong line up, "Juan" charges at the hill again with all of his 275lbs on the trottle, and launches the jeep over the crest of the hill which we previously had not conquored.
With the spirit of the settlers fresh in his blood, be begin the treck accross the field. We had seen the field on snowmobiles in winters past, this was the first trip in an SUV.
Through the thick overgrowth, under the highway bridge, and back into more formidable vegitation, the jeep seems to be building speed. weaving only around trees which were too big to be run down, faster and faster, untill All three of us vocalized the the exact feeling eachother was thinking "SH*****T!"
Now entirely vertical, and refusing to run any longer, the jeep is wedged into a ravine which was hidden by the bushes "Juan" was so brazenly speeding through.
With our extraction vehilce stuck where no tow truck would willing help, we began the long walk back to the wounded pathfinder. I can remember re-evaluating my friendship with "fish" and "juan" on the hike back to base.
How do I always find the immature, disrespectfull..."
The pathfinder must have known we were coming, I swear I felt it shudder as I refused the suicide seat and climbed in the back. With no clutch, broken lights and a dented rear bumper, the pathfinder entered the woods for the last time under it's own power.
With a trail now wide enough to back up a semi, where there was once nothing but woods, we were quickly back to the jeep, which had some much needed time to cool down.
hooked up the limping pathfinder, i climbed behind the wheel of the jeep and signaled that I was ready to be pulled out of the hole.
SLAM! the jeep jumps backward and flies out of the hole, crashlands, and now I'm being towed backward at an incredible rate of speed in the still not running jeep!
trying my hardest to anticipate "Juans" turns of the pathfinder so I can follow in his tracks, bacward, jumping over rocks, through trees, back under the Highway Bridge, narrowly missing a support column, we stop.
Trying to swallow my heart, "fish" emerges from the woods on foot, falling down laughing with every other step.
I inform "Juan" that I would like to jumpstart the jeep, and drive out, and he can follow me. He whips the pathfinder around to oblige, we start the jeep and we're out of there. I'm doing my best to remember which hand cut pth leads out and which one falls in the river, as I see it, the exit!
I manuver around a few trees and approach the intial 4ft drop which we now have to climb to get out. The front tires of the jeep are over the top, just a little more throttle and SMASH! It's "juans" pathfinder from behind. The concussion is enough to push the jeep of course and stick it in the trees. The impact totaled the pathfinder. "Juan" decided to play tag and single handedly disabled BOTH vehicles AGAIN!
I get out of the jeep disgusted and look at the pathfinder. Hood curled up, bumper smashed, windshield broken, radiator now emptying. I leave the mess for "Fish" and "Juan" to clean up, I've had enough kids games and head in for a freeze pop.
I cool down, and return to find the jeep running again and the pathfinder attempting to climb the hill under the power of the starter cranking the enine in gear.
From inside the pathfiner "Juan" yells to "fish", "Push Me Up!".
I knew this wouldn't turn out good. Fish gets a running start from behind and SMASH! The pathfinder jerks forward up the hill a little.
Again from in the pathfinder "What was that? You p*ssy! you call that a push?" The jeep backs up,(now suffering severly and overheating) and SLAM! Again into the pathfinder, shoving it ever so slightly. Again and again untill neither engine will turn over.
All amped up on adrenalin, " Juan" yealls to me, Get the EX. and pull us out. I survey the damage...Nissan F.U.B.A.R., jeep, dead in the water.
I turn to "Juan" and say "No. I come and pull you out of ANYWHERE and ANYTIME when you get stuck and you know that. This is YOUR fault, we could have drove out of here SEVERAL times, and STill had toys to play with! This is your mess you clean it.
Shocked "Juan called on the aid of a flatbed tow truck for the nissan. Somehow, the jeep started back up after cooling down and was able to drive home under its own power.
HOLY JEEPS!
My friend "juan" has been growing bored with our usual trail (and the 98 pathfinder he picked up for a few hundred bucks) and decides to embark on a journey of which his truck will never recover. So with more balls than brains, "Juan" aproaches the edge of a 4 ft vertical drop which borders brush so thick you couldn't walk in on foot with a hedge trimmer in each hand.
The pathfinder revs with anticipation, and with one violent snap of the clutch, "juan" lunges head first into un-claimed wilderness. I feel sick.
There was an aroma of green foliage searing on catalytic converters, and the woods filled the sounds of breaking sticks, and a rusty throw out bearing.
The Pathfinder dissapears quickly into the brush, but it's progress is easily seen from afar as rows of trees (many as much as 5" in diameter) begin to topple down in a kind of "Tazmanian Devil" fashion.
Suddenly silence falls on the woods. I knew he was stuck before he could mange to yell back at me to get a chain. I looked to my Explorer, and the hole in the brush I would have to enter over the 4 foot drop.
Not going to happen. This looked like job for a seasoned veteran, not my poor daily driver... off roading is one thing, raping the woods in the family vehicle is quite another.
So out comes the 87 Jeep. Rusty, dented and on it's last breath of precious life. PERFECT! With 4 low engaged, and the chain from the back of my EX., I enter the now christened "juan" memorial trail.
Driving in the swath of destruction left before me, eventually I come across the path finder, bottomed out on the crest of a short but steep hill, with the right front tire a third of the way up a good size tree which refused to give way to brute strength. With a quick tug from the jeep, "Juan" is freed from the obstacle. I stop the jeep getting ready to un hook the chain and... SLAM! It seems the hydraulic clutch line in quite vulnerable in Pathfinders and during the extracation, "Juans" clutch became inoperative.
I exit in the jeep which has impressed me so far within the 20 or so minutes i was behind the wheel, and followed out by the Pathfinder.
Now "Juan", dissatisfied with the length of the trail he has blazed, turns his eye to the jeep. It is of no value, and will shortly be disposed of, but I like it damnit!
"Juan" assumes the operators seat of the jeep as night begins to fall. I make the poor decision of taking the ride along tour, and climb into the passengers seat. Seatbelt barely enganged, I feel the jeep lurk forward and downward as we re-enter the woods.
The headlights are useless as the entire vehilce is consumed by brush and shrubs. "Juan" sems unphased as he rapidly pushes through the wilderness as "Fish"(my friend who is now in the back of the jeep) and I look on in disbelief at the very forest parting under the tires of the jeep.
The brush gets thick, and requires a forward, backward, forward motion to navigate. On the last forward, the jeep begins to point downward. "STOP!" It was "fish" in the back seat. "The river must be RIGHT THERE! DON'T MOVE".
"Fish" and I exit the jeep and udder a nervous laugh as we look over the edge of a 20 foot drop, at the bottom of which is the Mighty River.
It is now obvious that the "juan Memorial Trail" could use a HARD left turn about 10 feet back in the direction we came. After ramming the jeep into the newly sought direction, and obliterating the last of the shrubs, we come to a steep hill under the powerlines, which we know has an open field at the top. The first ascent proved unsucsesful, as the jeep bottomed out at the crest, and stalled from exhaustion.
After what seemed like forever, we were able to start the jeep and push it back down the hill. Convinced he chose the wrong line up, "Juan" charges at the hill again with all of his 275lbs on the trottle, and launches the jeep over the crest of the hill which we previously had not conquored.
With the spirit of the settlers fresh in his blood, be begin the treck accross the field. We had seen the field on snowmobiles in winters past, this was the first trip in an SUV.
Through the thick overgrowth, under the highway bridge, and back into more formidable vegitation, the jeep seems to be building speed. weaving only around trees which were too big to be run down, faster and faster, untill All three of us vocalized the the exact feeling eachother was thinking "SH*****T!"
Now entirely vertical, and refusing to run any longer, the jeep is wedged into a ravine which was hidden by the bushes "Juan" was so brazenly speeding through.
With our extraction vehilce stuck where no tow truck would willing help, we began the long walk back to the wounded pathfinder. I can remember re-evaluating my friendship with "fish" and "juan" on the hike back to base.
How do I always find the immature, disrespectfull..."
The pathfinder must have known we were coming, I swear I felt it shudder as I refused the suicide seat and climbed in the back. With no clutch, broken lights and a dented rear bumper, the pathfinder entered the woods for the last time under it's own power.
With a trail now wide enough to back up a semi, where there was once nothing but woods, we were quickly back to the jeep, which had some much needed time to cool down.
hooked up the limping pathfinder, i climbed behind the wheel of the jeep and signaled that I was ready to be pulled out of the hole.
SLAM! the jeep jumps backward and flies out of the hole, crashlands, and now I'm being towed backward at an incredible rate of speed in the still not running jeep!
trying my hardest to anticipate "Juans" turns of the pathfinder so I can follow in his tracks, bacward, jumping over rocks, through trees, back under the Highway Bridge, narrowly missing a support column, we stop.
Trying to swallow my heart, "fish" emerges from the woods on foot, falling down laughing with every other step.
I inform "Juan" that I would like to jumpstart the jeep, and drive out, and he can follow me. He whips the pathfinder around to oblige, we start the jeep and we're out of there. I'm doing my best to remember which hand cut pth leads out and which one falls in the river, as I see it, the exit!
I manuver around a few trees and approach the intial 4ft drop which we now have to climb to get out. The front tires of the jeep are over the top, just a little more throttle and SMASH! It's "juans" pathfinder from behind. The concussion is enough to push the jeep of course and stick it in the trees. The impact totaled the pathfinder. "Juan" decided to play tag and single handedly disabled BOTH vehicles AGAIN!
I get out of the jeep disgusted and look at the pathfinder. Hood curled up, bumper smashed, windshield broken, radiator now emptying. I leave the mess for "Fish" and "Juan" to clean up, I've had enough kids games and head in for a freeze pop.
I cool down, and return to find the jeep running again and the pathfinder attempting to climb the hill under the power of the starter cranking the enine in gear.
From inside the pathfiner "Juan" yells to "fish", "Push Me Up!".
I knew this wouldn't turn out good. Fish gets a running start from behind and SMASH! The pathfinder jerks forward up the hill a little.
Again from in the pathfinder "What was that? You p*ssy! you call that a push?" The jeep backs up,(now suffering severly and overheating) and SLAM! Again into the pathfinder, shoving it ever so slightly. Again and again untill neither engine will turn over.
All amped up on adrenalin, " Juan" yealls to me, Get the EX. and pull us out. I survey the damage...Nissan F.U.B.A.R., jeep, dead in the water.
I turn to "Juan" and say "No. I come and pull you out of ANYWHERE and ANYTIME when you get stuck and you know that. This is YOUR fault, we could have drove out of here SEVERAL times, and STill had toys to play with! This is your mess you clean it.
Shocked "Juan called on the aid of a flatbed tow truck for the nissan. Somehow, the jeep started back up after cooling down and was able to drive home under its own power.
HOLY JEEPS!
Uuuhhhhh, I think its time for some new friends. These two sound like a couple of total tools! ( and not the good Snap-On kind!) 
