Coming through again - thanks Peter! Looks like my '14 is equipped and ready for action. Guess I need to call and have a chat...
UPDATE: called service advisor, told him to take that $400 bill and shove it. Bought 2 $75 keys from Jason (thanks - great OEM stuff and shipped fast). Had local hardware store cut for $2 a pop, programmed keys myself using the 2 factory originals and the method described in the manual, then had the OTHER local Ford dealer perform the IDS activation of the remote start system.
The other dealer wasn't super happy to do it, took them 1.5 hours and gave my wife no helpful information as "she didn't buy the $400 Ford-provided remote start package and didn't have the necessary documentation on it" which I thought was poor, but got it done for $53.
To answer others, the options under
REMOTE START on the left screen of MFT of my 2014 XLT are: CLIMATE CONTROL (LAST OR AUTO), DURATION (5, 10, or 15 MIN) and SYSTEM (CHECK/UNCHECK)...no mention of heated seats (equipped), defrost, or other systems.
FYI - from the manual:
Automatic Settings
In hot weather, the system is set to 72°F (22°C). The cooled seats are
set to high (if available, and selected to AUTO in the information
display).
In moderate weather, the system either heats or cools (based on
previous settings). The rear defroster, heated mirrors and heated seats
do not automatically turn on.
In cold weather, the system is set to 72°F (22°C). The heated seats are
set to high (if available, and selected to AUTO in the information
display). The rear defroster and heated mirrors automatically turn on
"Hot", "moderate", and "cold" are undefined, but from what I understand, "cold" is 32°F or less. Unsure for other levels. Thanks all for input/help.